Me and my boyfriend had been in a relationship for over a year and a month, we got together in our senior years in highschool.
We came from two different religions, he is a Catholic while I am a member of this fellowship. In my religion, it’s forbidden for us to be in a relationship with people who isn’t in the same religion as we are.
In our entire relationship, I may have sent him some pics, teased him and encouraged it, but now due to me actively participating in my church’s activities and actually understanding their preaches, I realized that I was wrong and wanted to rectify my mistakes. So I deleted the pictures I sent, stopped sending and stopped encouraging him. When I was deleting the pictures, he asked me if he would get a copy, I told him no. Plenty of times. He thinks I don’t trust him with the pictures when in all honesty I just want them to be deleted in total.
Since we came from two different religions, I’ve came to a realization that I don’t want to leave my religion anymore after all I finally understood the dedication and passion of our fellowship, I can’t marry him or have a future with him if both of us chose not to give up in either religions, before I was willing but now that I realized I have plenty to lose..like my family and my duties, I can’t bear the lose even if he’ll be by my side.
I’ve brought this issue countless of times yet he’d always dismissed my concern as something to talk about in the future, he’d always chalk it up to fate..but I don’t have that luxury, I want certainty yet it seems like he can’t provide it.
Next is that, I’ve been feeling less motivated to talk to him or actually tell him about my day because whenever I tell him something, like a joke from one of my mom’s friends or just got recognized by my church he’d always tell me that due to me being recognized I’ll be more busy and get a load more of work, the small moment becomes negative due to his comment even if its his way of ‘cheering me up’
Lastly, It seems he doesn’t trust me fully, he’d constantly ask if I’m hiding something from him, he’d analyze every interaction I have with men in our senior years, he doesn’t like it if I have male friends, he doesn’t like it if I interact with men when it’s not necessary, he doesn’t like it when I’m close to men or interact with them per my duties. It’s very clear he doesn’t trust me at all despite me giving him full access to my accounts.
I’m regretting confessing and getting into this relationship, I still love him but he’s making me regret my decisions. It’s tiring me out. I feel it would be pointless staying in this relationship. Is my feelings valid in this situation?
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Whatever happened to “love thy neighbour” how do so many religions screw this up 🤷♂️
It’s easy to just say “break up” but that’s kinda what you need to do. You’re talking about fundamental aspects of both of your lives. It just sounds like it’s not clicking and that’s fine but just dragging on the relationship is going to do the two of you worse. Some people are just not compatible.
You don’t need anyone to validate your situation if you’re not happy in the relationship you’re just not happy. Unless there are changes you can make to better the relationship, which in this situation you can’t, then it’s best to walk away. You can talk to him but if you’ve already made your concerns heard and there’s no change there’s not much you can do. Always go for your gut feelings it’s almost always right.
Sounds like you’ve already made your choice and he can feel you pulling away. You need to be mature and break it off with him permanently
Ps. Being too focused on regret can leave you with a lifetime of guilt, and you don’t deserve that. Try to frame those things to yourself as lessons you’ve learned and remember the good things he brought to your life while he was in it
You guys got together during a time where you are both changing and becoming different people. It’s very normal, albeit sad part of growing up. You two are no longer compatible.
Religion is a fundamental thing that’s important to see eye to eye on in a romantic relationship, but that aside if he’s getting this upset about you not wanting to send pics like that it’s a pretty big red flag. That and being this upset about other men being around you. It’s normal to get insecure sometimes but he’s taking it out on you and that’s not ok
There are 3 different things here that we have to look at.
First of is religion. You already explained this became a huge obstacle to build a future together as you both believe in different religions, and they don’t go together. This would be more than enough reason to step out of the relationship, if neither wish to compromise.
Secondly, you’re both young. Obviously his behaviour is a response to everything going on and how this affects him emotionally and mentally in conflict with said obstacle(s) and situations going on. He feels like he’s going to lose you, so he starts pushing and pulling.
The jealousy is a normal reaction you’d expect from a 18 year old. It means he cares enough that he can’t consider you being with someone else, even if he expresses that through assumptions or accusations.
Last, your feelings are valid. In spite of everything we can lay out to understand in this situation, what you feel is how you feel. And you don’t need some kind of perfect reason to end something. If it’s affecting your mental health, and you don’t see path towards improvement, that alone is more than enough reason to end it.
Understanding it is one thing. Making difficult choices in spite of that, is another.
Your feelings are absolutely valid. You need to be firm with him, even if he tries to discount what you’re saying. Tell him it’s a difficult choice but you have decided to honor your religion’s principles more strictly than you have in the past, and that means you can only be in a relationshp with someone who belongs to your fellowship.
It will be sad of course – all breakups are sad, even when they are necessary. But frankly I think you’re dodging a bullet here, even if the religious difference wasn’t a factor. He sounds immature, insecure, and controlling, if he is seriously urging you to avoid friendships and personal interactions with half the human population. You’re only 18, and he’s trying to dictate how you should run your own life! Who needs that?
I don’t know what your question is. Why would someone advise you to stay in a relationship you’ve decided you don’t want to be in?
Your feelings are valid, and you know what you must do.
Yes just break up with him and move on you are young and don’t need to carry on like this. If you get the ick you know it’s time to end it. He’s also being very immature and disrespectful.
It’s not him who’s making you regret your decisions. If it was not for your fellowship and your religion you would not have these feelings and would be happy in your first romantic relationship. Instead you are making yourself miserable.
The disconnect is with what you want, what makes you happy and what you feel you have to do to be a good person. Search there.
To me it sounds like you are an impressionable teenager brainwashed by a religion that wants to isolate you, while also being with someone who is too young to understand commitment and serious relationships. Maybe break up with both your boyfriend and religion and start thinking about yourself and what you want for your future.
Are you Christian and is he Muslim or perhaps the other way around?
Does anyone else notice that like 90% of posters here either have a brand new account, or one that’s older but no other posts or comments besides the very post they made for this subreddit