TL;DR: My boyfriend of 1 year has been going through a lot and opened up to me, but I was emotionally overwhelmed myself and broke down crying instead of supporting him. He said it bothered him, and now I’m terrified he won’t feel safe coming to me anymore. I want to fix it, make him feel safe venting to me again, and be a better, more emotionally mature girlfriend — but I don’t know how. I’m scared he’ll start keeping things to himself or stop opening up to me. I need advice on how to make things right and not push him away when he needs me.
So my sister just came back from the country she was studying in — I haven’t seen her in months. The day she arrived happened to be the same day my boyfriend and I started talking again after some time apart. Naturally, I was spending time with my sister and couldn’t give him all the attention I normally would.
Fast forward to now, three days later — yesterday my boyfriend got upset with me for not giving him the same attention I used to. At first, I brushed it off and thought he was just being dramatic.
But today, he opened up and vented. He’s been going through a lot at home, and he told me he’s feeling hurt, like he’s not a priority anymore. He said I’ve always been the only person he could open up to, and this was the first time he’s ever vented to anyone in real life. That hit me hard.
The problem is… I’ve also been going through it. My mom gave me really upsetting news about a family friend this morning, and emotionally I was just drained. On top of that, ever since my sister came back, I’ve had no privacy at home, so I haven’t been able to talk to my boyfriend as much as I want to. I just feel stuck.
And here’s where I feel like I really messed up:
I called him earlier and broke down crying. I spent like 40 minutes on the phone basically dumping my feelings on him, even though I knew he was already overwhelmed. He kept telling me “it’s fine,” but I could tell I wasn’t helping. I told him that seeing him sad is what’s making me like this — because it’s my job to make him feel better, and right now I feel like I’m doing the opposite.
Later, I called again to apologize and asked if it annoyed him that I did that earlier… and he said, “Honestly, yes.” That crushed me. I didn’t mean to make it about me. I just wanted him to know I care and that I feel everything he’s going through, maybe too much.
I also kept bringing up the stuff that’s been bothering him (out of concern), but I could tell it annoyed him too. Now I’m terrified that I ruined how emotionally safe he felt with me. What if he stops opening up? What if I pushed him away?
I want him to still come to me when something’s wrong. I want to make him feel safe venting to me anytime — without fear of judgment, without feeling like I’ll break down or make it about me. I want to be better for him. I want to handle things with more maturity and show up for him properly — even when I’m not doing well myself.
I feel like I failed him.
Now he’s asleep and I’m here just crying, feeling like I ruined something really important.
I just really need advice on how to fix this ASAP. Any advice is appreciated — especially on how to make him feel safe talking to me again.