I (18F) just started a new job about two months ago. I have been dating my boyfriend (19M) for almost two years now.
a bit of context… we met through mutual friends in highschool, and our relationship has been great. no major issues at all, everything that we have gone through together we have gotten over with ease. he is my safe space, and ive never been so comfortable with another person. I’ve always thought that I’m the more infatuated one out of the two of us, but i think it really is just me being more outwardly emotional and also a woman. He does love and care for me and shows it every day.
So, on my first day of this job, I met this pair of brothers. one is 19M, the other is 20M. The problem? they look IDENTICAL to my first “boyfriend” that I dated for about a month when I was freshly 16. he was my first kiss, and things ended poorly and he ended up breaking my heart. To this day i still harbour some anger towards him because of how he used my naivety and innocence against me and ended up breaking my trust, but I haven’t been in contact with him since things ended.
So anyway, these two brothers look exactly like him, like its uncanny. and no, they arent related to him – i looked into it. i work with these guys every single day, five to six days a week. ive naturally developed a friendship with both of them, and over time due to their friendly and kind nature i’ve started to see less resemblance to the evil ex, and i have sort of disassociated them with him, which in itself is great and has made it a lot easier to work with them. so, heres the problem. i think i’ve developed a bit of a crush on one of the brothers. nothing crazy, but i do notice when hes around and when we work together i try a little harder on my appearance. we are mutuals on instagram, but have no outside-of-work contact other than that. i have the other brother on snapchat and instagram but other than snapping we only text when its work related.
ive never had a “crush” on someone else while in this relationship, im usually borderline obsessed with my boyfriend and feel the need to spend every waking moment with him, but lately, though i do still love him with my whole heart, i feel less “infatuated”. is that related to this little crush? is the crush harmful? and how do i NOT have a crush on this guy? i dont want to ruin my relationship and i feel like im cheating – even though im not! i constantly feel guilty and i dont know what to do. help!
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TL;DR: I have a crush on my coworker but I’m in a relationship, how do I stop liking this coworker, i feel guilty every day and its making me lose sleep! I feel horrible.
Comments
Crushes are normal, just don’t feed them. After awhile the pedestal you put someone on will resolve with the reality of their person and sometimes that’s all you need to realize your crush isn’t your type/compatible/what you built them up to be, but if you upkeep boundaries even if they’re amazing practicing self control will keep you from straying.
The grass is greener where you water it. Reinvest in your boyfriend. Date him! Or maybe the relationship has actually run its course, but you should at least try to refocus on it and make sure your mind isn’t wandering due to novelty instead of due to being unfulfilled.
Also, dating a coworker is stupid. Don’t do it.
You’ll be the one to turn this guy into a heartless dog like 99.9% of men are. Somewhere around 16-22 a woman will destroy a man. With this destruction his outlook on love will change, his outlook on women will change, he will change. It’s inevitable. You’re already crushing on other dudes and talking about losing feelings…
It doesn’t matter if it’s slow and you “decide one day you want to be single to pursue other guys because you’re not sure what other relationships are even like”… and break up with him or if it’s fast and you just cheat on him because you don’t have the ovaries to break up with him because deep down in your heart you know he’s the best you’ll ever get…
You will be right… for some time you will meet all those men who have already met a you and are “dogs” as yall say. Then after years of that you’ll start to meet the men who have decided to actually try again… hopefully you don’t make the same mistake that time. Good luck.
having a small crush on someone else might be a sign that you need to try to add excitement into the relationship especially if yall have been tg for so long and maybe complacent? try having a convo about ways you guys can keep the spark alive even after being tg for a long time