TLDR at the bottom.
so, about three years ago, there was this girl who asked me out, call her Jamie. I wasnt particularly atracted to her, but she was an ok person, and not especially unattractive, but something was off about her.
then I get with my ex, who it turns out, did a lot of bad stuff and got expelled.
the next year, my twin brother transfers to my school, and “gravitates” twoards Jamie’s friend group. Cool, not my buisness.
end of the year the start dating.
She starts to talk to me more frequently. more often. it becomes really weird. she keeps saying stuff like “you know that your brother isn’t asexual right? well he really isnt.” and keeps coming up asking me things about random situations that I have nothing to do with. its annoying, but I try to be nice, and put it aside. but she doesnt stop. it gets worse and worse. eventually I just tell her “i dont like talking to you, it was fine but now it feels like too much, please stop.”
she doesnt.
and now, deeper into her relationship with my brother, she’s showing up to family events, school trips, club meetings, and hangs out at our house. she has made events that were really important to me uncomfortable rather than exciting. she continues to annoy me insessantly, Despite my brother STRONGLY discouraging her from doing so. eventually I tell her it feels like she’s harassing me. her response: “I’m dating your brother. you cant get rid of me.”
By this point I think shes crazy, and I distance myself as far as possible. the only way that i can do so, is by avoiding my brother more, and actively hiding from her.
but im still occasionally around her, and I hear weird things. me and my brother are identical twins. she tells him, to his face, that she started talking to him because he looked like me, and was in essence, another version of me. she still mentions often (in whispers) that she finds me, and my ass specifically, “oddly attractive.” i still think she has a good and real relationship with my brother, but the comments are offputting.
Most upsetting is what I’ve discovered recently, is that she was mad about me turning her down and getting with my ex, so she dug up dirt to get my ex expelled, and has since held a grudge against me for not dating her. Very upset. this grudge is what i believe to be motivating her harassment.
I havent seen her in a while, because of summer, but I know she’s been at our house, and I know they talk and just thinking about her being in my house, ever, gives me chills.
I really do just do not like her at all, and really dont like being around her. I want to set boundaries with my brother but theyre probably unreasonable. I dont want her at our house, ever, even if im not there. and I dont want to ever eat dinner with her.
Idk, i dont know how to balance my relationship with my brother, and my animosity for his gf. If i have to eat dinner with her one more time I might just explode in her face.
TLDR: my twin brothers gf is a creep and harasses me alot, though not much recently. I dont know where to draw the line, or how to handle this so it doesnt go up in flames.
adivce is appreciated.
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UpdateMe!
Honestly, unless she has very low IQ, I think she is trying to annoy you.
Continuing to talk to someone repeatedly after you have explicitly asked them not to is harassment. That’s what you need to tell her, that you will file a police report as well as report this to the school as I assume it happens there, too. Speak with your parents and explain them the extent of this. Explain it calmly, provide evidence and examples over long period of time.
>Despite my brother STRONGLY discouraging her from doing so.
He could try harder. For example “I won’t be inviting you to certain family events anymore, because you don’t know how to behave”. In all honesty, constantly going against your partners simple and reasonable request is very much grounds for breakup, but everyone is super young here, so I get it.
>she was mad about me turning her down
And this is the reason why she is now harassing you, too. You are learning and important life lesson. Some people, when rejected, turn into this. It’s more common at a young age.
Trust me man, keep your head high, keep it calm and give her hell. Tell your parents, report harassment to police, report this to school staff. Do not explode – that is exactly what she wants, if you blow up in front of your family or in public, she can then claim you’re the bad guy. The best “revenge” you can give here is to remain calm – don’t show a bully that what they are doing it works, you know?
She only got with your twin brother so that she could still have “you” even though you rejected her. She is most likely obsessed with you and your brother was the perfect substitute. What a sick dynamic. I hope that your brother figures that out.
There are numerous red flags in this situation. When you say our house do you mean a house share with brother or a family set up with parents? If your parents are around then a conversation with them might help so that you have some support. They could limit her time at your house. Are you sure she doesn’t enter your room?
You have already identified that she is harassing you; you could inform the police and get advice.
You seem to be good at maintaining boundaries. I would ask your brother why he continues to have a relationship with a woman who doesn’t respect you or him; she has said many troubling things about you already and has actively pursued your ex-partner.
I would question the motivation of your brother. Is it simply that he has lower boundaries and wants to be in a relationship with his girlfriend even if it’s unhealthy?
You could tell your extended family what is going on so that she can’t hide from her own behaviour. It might bring the situation to a head.
You could report her conduct to her own parents and see how that goes. They might have more influence on her.
There are organisations for twins, books, and articles on sibling relationships. They might be helpful. Ask ChatGPT for book and articles on recommendations based on your situation.
I’m an identical twin; it can be hard to navigate one’s sameness when other people fetishise you and your sibling.
I hope you find a way through this situation.