I can’t seem to see my bf happy, idk why. We have known each other for a year dated for 6 months.
He’s away for the month with his family and everytime he’ll appear in a jolly mood as if my absence didn’t matter to him. I hate it so much. When I talked to him about it, he said he misses me a lot but just doesn’t show it.
I really understand he’s happy and back to be his home, but I just can’t seem to be happy for him. I’m happy but not really at the same time. I want him to be back to me, it’s so selfish idk. I have had a abusive family since growing up, maybe that’s why I don’t know any happiness related to my family. There are time I hate him and then I love him freaking too much. He has 3 siblings while I’m an only child, i use to be jealous of the bond they have. I always wished for a sibling but never got one. He’ll be casually chatting with his mom and dad and then here I will be crying, idk why. I really don’t know.
I’m jealous he’s has a caring dad, a loving family. I’m happy he has them, but at that same time I have this weird itch when I remember who do I have, no one. I don’t have good friends, not anyone. I’m all alone. I’m trying to become a better person, but I don’t just don’t know.
Tdlr: bf away and I just can’t be happy for him. Idk what to do.
Comments
I think the true answer here might be that you aren’t mentally ready to be in a committed relationship, but that could be said for a lot of people and doesn’t stop anyone.
I think the fact that you are thinking about this and feeling guilt over it in some sense is a good sign. You aren’t a bad person, just have some things to work on.
I think seeking therapy is something everyone should do.
Good luck ❤️
First, you need to accept that it’s a “you” problem. He’s surrounded by loving family and while he’s undoubtly missing you, he’s understandably in a good mood. You are obsessing over him as you don’t have much love in your life, and thus you feel that he should too.
To be fair, i was in your shoes for the most of my life, until i realized that it’s a me problem.
It sounds like you have a lot of childhood and familal trauma.
On its own that is okay, but it seems like it isncausing resentment, jelousy, and unhealthy attachments regarding your BF and his family. Things can last doing that.
If you want to keep him, or really date anyone with a reasonably hethy family, you need to get some therapy and process your trauma.
I just want to say what you’re feeling makes sense.
If you grew up in an environment where love was unstable, unavailable, or painful… then of course it’s hard to be happy when someone else has what you always wanted. Especially someone you love.
But feeling something doesn’t mean you’re entitled to control someone else’s joy. Emotional honesty doesn’t give you the right to dim someone else’s light.
Here’s the deeper truth:
Jealousy isn’t a sign you’re bad — it’s a signal that something inside you is still hurting. And that’s okay. You’re not broken. You’re just still healing.
So before you act on those feelings, take a breath and ask yourself:
Am I looking at his happiness as proof I’m unloved — or as a glimpse of what’s possible for me, too?
Am I acting like a partner… or like someone waiting to be rescued from my pain?
Am I practicing gratitude for what I have — or resentment for what I didn’t get?
Because here’s the thing:
You do have something good. A partner who seems to care. And if you learn to love him, his family, and — most importantly — yourself… you might just become part of the kind of love you always dreamed of.
Don’t throw away the lottery ticket because you’re scared to cash it in.
Don’t push him away and then convince yourself no one ever stays.
You deserve love.
But first, you have to learn how to receive it without guilt, fear, or comparison.
Start by being proud of him — not resentful.
Start by being your own source of joy, not your partner’s shadow.
Because in the end, real love isn’t about how much you get.
It’s about how deeply you give — and how patiently you grow.