TL;DR: how to have deep friendships beyond surface level small talk at clubs and mealtimes, how to further friendships without being too much or forcing it?
I (19f) really struggle with making friends. I used to be super extroverted in middle school and was great at connecting with people but I also didn’t really have deep friendships. Like I got along with everyone, but didn’t have anyone to actually talk about serious stuff with.
At the end of high school, I realized that I came away from those 4 years with no close friends (I had one and she turned out to not value our friendship in the same way I did).
I have 1 close friend whom I text every day and do feel like I can share anything with. But it’s a sad thought to me when I think about how out of all these years of school and people I enjoyed being around, I have one friend.
I’m now in my second week of freshman year in college and am struggling to make friends. I’ve met one person (also 19f) who did the same gap year program as me which gave us something to talk about beyond the banal small talk. I really enjoy being around her. We’ve had tons of really long and deep conversations and I do think I’ve gotten to know her well. But I’ve realized that while she’s my one friend on campus, she has other friends here that she can and wants to hang out with, study with, etc.
I’m not great at social cues and I can’t exactly get a read on how my friend views our relationship. She doesn’t really respond to my messages, maybe that’s just her. I can’t tell if I’m sending too many texts. I thought that was how I would encourage this friendship, because I really like her and want to be her friend. But I don’t want it to be one-sided, I think I often end up in friendships where I want to be friends with someone who doesn’t want to put that same effort in.
I know it’s early, just the 2nd week, but this has been an ongoing problem for me and I’m worried that if I fuck up this one friendship, then I’ll have no one on campus to have meals with, study with, text, etc. I am going to clubs and sitting with people at meals and interacting with my advising group but idk how to move it past stuff like that with people I want to be friends with.
So I have two questions here I guess.
- I struggle to move friendships/acquaintances past the first step of small talk and getting to know someone on a surface level. So I’d take any advice on finding people I want to be friends with who also want to be friends with me, developing friendships, forming deep bonds
- I’m friends with this girl but idk how she sees this and whether she enjoys being around me or if I’m too much? How can I balance furthering a friendship I do think she enjoyed but not overloading her as I often do?
Idk if any of this makes sense but I welcome any advice!!