So I have been with my boyfriend for around two months now but i have known him since high school. He has admitted now that we’re dating that he used to like me back in school but was too shy to admit it especially since we’re a year apart. So I haven’t always had feelings for him but I wanted to try dating again.
Reason I mention this is because a few months prior, I was dating this guy after graduation and we really hit it off. He eventually started ghosting me which broke my heart since he was my first ever boyfriend. And I made like the worst decision ever and decided to flirt with a coworker. I didn’t think of it as a rebound since he was naturally really nice and we had so many similar interests. If what happened didn’t happen, I’d almost consider him the man of my dreams. We kept flirting and secretly kissing for a bit until i was caught by my parents when i went out past curfew. He started acting weird then completely broke things off when he admitted that his ex wanted to get back together with him. I thought he was nice about it but i was so hurt that i was led on like that. I’ve never had a good record with dating when the guys i liked would reject me or use me a second choice. I felt used. After this, i full on ignored him and i hated him. My feelings only got worse when i learned how much of a shitty person he is and that he was trying to get with my other coworkers before we started “getting along” more.
But now somehow I’m still obsessed with him hecause I’ll stare at him at work or just admire how his name looks written on a sheet of paper. I keep imagining everything working out in my mind. Dreaming about him at night and him apologizing through kisses and hugs. I’m tired of having the illusion of things working out. I really like my boyfriend and I want to be with him for a very long time but these thoughts and feelings are tearing me apart. Tearing me away from him. I need some major advice.
TLDR: I’m attached to my rebound and I don’t want it to affect my current relationship.