Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost four months now and she is a sweet amazing wonderful and gorgeous person. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else and I have no intention of cheating on her in any way whether that be emotionally or physically atleast intentionally I guess. Here’s the thing, I hear the “men are gonna look all the time” and I get that women look too bc she’ll see guys and call them cute and I’ll laugh and sometimes agree and point guys out to her. But I’ve noticed recently my drive has began to be fueled by people outside our relationship. The first three months I would try to block out these thoughts and keep my eyes strictly on my girlfriend but recently I noticed I’ve been aroused by other women. One day I was overwhelmed by this and I decided to calm down if you know what I mean. And I felt bad after I did it so I talked to my mother who has been married for 20 years and she said that what I did was completely normal and that it was going to happen a lot more down the road. After having this talk with her I felt less pressured to let these thoughts and fantasies out and I began to ig you can say embrace it. This ofc meant I was getting off to sources outside me and my girlfriend’s relationship. Well tonight it kind of hit me bc I realized that when I would get bored I would go and look at other girls instagram pages to find something to fuel my drive particularly ones I found attractive. I don’t message flirt like or comment on any of them but I do view their content and it does fuel my drive occasionally. I have no want to do things with them and I don’t feel emotionally drawn to any of them but viewing content does fuel fantasies ig which is enough to get me excited. After that I’m done. And I’m not like obsessed with them either. I saw it as harmless until the clarity hit me ig. It doesn’t harm me and my gfs relationship or anything along those lines. I did this under the impression that it was normal and not cheating but now I’m starting to question myself. I don’t want to fall under that cheating category because I really do love my girlfriend and she is very very very attractive herself trust me but my mind does wonder sometimes. And if I could wire my brain to hyperfocus on her I would. Hell I kinda accomplished that the first two to three months. No im not window shopping for other girls or anything like that but yes I do view other girls IG pages and fantasize but that’s it. How can I be better for my girlfriend? And based on what I’ve said would Yall say that I’m a cheater?
TL;DR: why do I feel bad for finding sexual excitement outside my relationship?
Comments
I personally consider this mircocheating 🤷🏼♀️ I would be pissed ASF if I knew my man fantasized over other women online, sounds like you need to talk to her about it and be up front and see how she feels and go from there.
i’d break up with you. this is cheating to me.
I genuinely wouldn’t care tbh if my partner did this unless it was random women or people were know. I have no issue if someone looks at content designed to be erotic and feels erotic.
are these ig pages of women you know irl? personally i would end things with you even if they weren’t because i have strict boundaries about lusting after others and consider it cheating – some will disagree with that, but im sure we could all agree that if these are women you know irl that you are lusting over it’s, at least, micro cheating. you should ask your gf for her stance on looking at erotic content whilst in a relationship, if she has an issue with it and you feel you wont be able to stop, save her a lot of time and break up with her.
I suggest you read mating in captivity by Esther Perell
I think you should also look for ways to rekindle desire for and with your partner, and ask yourself what it is about these other women that arouses you
Is it the feelings of excitement that arise from doing something you’re not supposed to? How might your girlfriend help you introduce that feeling safely into your bedroom with you?
Do you think your gf has become less sexy because you two are too enmeshed?
19 years old, four months into the relationship. Bro you don’t love her and barely know anything about love in general. I don’t mean this in a bad way or that you can’t love her. But if you read this post in ten years time, you would cringe so hard at how rediculous this sounds.