Hey ya’ll, this is my first Reddit post. So I’m not exactly sure how to structure this but I’ll tell it like a story… it’ll be a long read
2 weeks ago, my girlfriend and I had planned a picnic at a really scenic spot in my city. At a random moment, she brought up how she’s beginning to doubt our relationship because of her curiosity on living a lifestyle of being single and independent. She discussed how she always had pictured her life as a solo woman in New York and living life with the flow. She mentioned how every time she’s left a relationship to pursue this lifestyle she’s always got caught up in another one, and that she’s never truly had the freedom to explore it. Then I came along, right after she was in a relationship with a douchebag.
When we started dating, it was perfect. Open communication, travel, I’d respect every thing she mentioned and she would do the same. Every time we had a problem we could talk about it, apologize, and we’ve both shared more experiences together than with our own family. We’d support one another’s goals and we aligned perspectives on how we wanted to live our lives. Not a single problem in the horizon.
She’s in a dilemma. Between picking the life she craves versus living with me with the potential of it being a long-term relationship. She’s always been hesitant to commit to things that could be long term. But she’s also mentioned how she wants to push past this phase she’s experience countless times to something more meaningful.
She’s in a phase of her life where she is extremely confused and fogged up, because she truly does love me and she’s unsure what she even wants anymore because of all the mixed emotions.
I decide to support her during this, give her space and encourage her to spend more time alone or with friends, and to also speak to her therapist to gain more mental clarity on this whole ordeal
A week goes by, and she suddenly begins getting dry over text, bare minimum messaging, no affection, treating me similar to a friend or less. I obviously bring it up, and she asks if we could have a chat the next day.
The next day dawns, and I come over to her house to hangout, cook some Alfredo and have this conversation. Turns out, she wanted to talk about this whole ordeal again, she told me how she still doesn’t know what she wants and she’s still in this phase of her life of deep confusion. She brought up the idea of splitting our ways. Not because she doesn’t love me but she felt bad because she knew I value something more stable and committed.
We had an entire day to talk, it got emotional and hard to speak. But I told her I’d support her regardless and stay on her side even if it meant she could randomly break up with me and choose the other life. I wouldn’t make it awkward, I wouldn’t make it emotional but I’d help her out and leave respectfully. We decided to stay in a relationship but avoid any conversations about something long term and live more with the flow. She apologized for her texting and she said how she felt like shit even acting that way. She’s been acting very affectionate since and highlighted how she wants to have weekly conversations like this to clarify and strengthen our relationship as she goes down this road of confusion.
I know this story is super mixed and I know I’ll get multiple strong views. I still can’t really put into words what’s going on, but I promise we do love each other equally and our relationship is still extremely strong. I’m worried at times but she puts in the extra effort to keep me reassured and making me feel like we are in a relationship.
Ask anything you’d like for extra clarity.
My main questions out there are…
- Is this something I should be worried about from y’all’s experiences?
- Any thoughts from you guys helps, anything.
- Could this be a phase, or a common problem relationships face?
Comments
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