Hi there. I’m a 19 year old male who’s been with my girlfriend for 3 years. It started off good but became a lot worse. As it was my first relationship I didn’t know how bad it was until my dad told me it sounded like the start of a domestic violence situation. She isolated me from my friends, runs out the house in the middle of the night, has hit me, verbally abuses me and accuses me of cheating every time I go out without her. One night I was at the bar with my friends and she said I wasn’t allowed to, so ran across town, dragged me out of the bar and hit me. She also tries to isolate me from my family, saying things such as “you can call your mum – any longer than 30 minutes and I’m locking you out of the house and you can sleep in the streets tonight”. I’m worried as she’s falsely accused me of sexual assault, cheating and being an abuser myself. Every time I’m not home at a certain time, leave the house without her or see my friends she’s threatens to call my parents and tell them I’ve cheated, hit her, sexually assaulted her and gotten her pregnant and forced her to abort it… I’ve done absolutely none of this. This is her way of threatening me to get me to do what she wants me to do. She’s done it to isolate me from friends, send her money and do sexual things I didn’t want to do. It genuinely hurts me so much seeing young men my ages going out, drinking and having a good time while I’m just sitting in the corner scared she’s going to text my family and friends a load of lies just because I went out with my friends without her. I’m scared if I leave she’ll text all my family about that and publicly say this. She even has a second account online dedicated to spreading lies about me whenever she’s not happy to her friends. What should I do? Thank you so much!
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I don’t have any advice on this particular situation but I just wanted to say that you deserve better and you deserve to feel safe in your own living space and relationship. This is not okay. You are being abused.
What do your parents think you should do?
Why are you staying? This is dangerous for you. If she’s texted you any of this, and I suspect she has, you have evidence to defend yourself. You also said your dad already believes you, so leave and let her text your family or whomever she wants. If she lies, threaten legal action using her messages as proof. You’re very young. Relationships are not supposed to be like this. We’ve all experienced turbulence and tumultuous times. The sooner you realize it’s toxicity and red flags and not passion, the better. She sounds like she may have mental illness or a personality disorder, and I agree with your dad that she sounds abusive based on what you’ve shared.
You’re choosing to stay. Literally just leave.