I (20F) almost kissed another guy and i have a fiancé of (21M) how should i break the news to him?

r/

So me and my friend group were on a trip and there were three girls and rest guys we have been together in college since the last three years and we have three more to go on the second last night of the trip i got really drunk and do t remember at all what went down but my two other friends told me that i almost kissed one of our guy friends and they had to pull me away physically to stop me. I dont know how do i tell this to my fiance he is going to be heartbroken and i cannot see a future without him and i cannot live with the fact that i did something like this and i am thinking of choosing the easier option of vanishing away.
Also the male friend that i almost kissed had been very caring and flirty and touchy throughout the whole trip and was taking care and paying attention to detail and all.
Please help

Comments

  1. AutoModerator Avatar

    Backup of the post’s body:
    So me and my friend group were on a trip and there were three girls and rest guys we have been together in college since the last three years and we have three more to go on the second last night of the trip i got really drunk and do t remember at all what went down but my two other friends told me that i almost kissed one of our guy friends and they had to pull me away physically to stop me. I dont know how do i tell this to my fiance he is going to be heartbroken and i cannot see a future without him and i cannot live with the fact that i did something like this and i am thinking of choosing the easier option of vanishing away.
    Also the male friend that i almost kissed had been very caring and flirty and touchy throughout the whole trip and was taking care and paying attention to detail and all.
    Please help

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  3. aparish67 Avatar

    Not good. I’d want to know if I were the fiancee.

  4. GumpTheChump Avatar

    Why are you snitching on yourself? Just get a hold of yourself. Also, don’t get married at age 20.

  5. toddpacker567 Avatar

    You just have to tell him , and accept the fact that he may break up with you . Because hiding it from him or having him find out later down the road is the wrong route to take

  6. Satori2155 Avatar

    You need to tell him. Since this wasnt a random guy he’ll likely find out eventually. Even if not its a huge scumbag move to just sweep it under the rug and start your marriage off with a lie.

    Also, cut the other guy off ASAP. Hes clearly trying to hook up with you and is a certifiable Dbag.

    If you care about him at all you need to be honest and give him the right to decide how he wants to move forward. You are an adult and made a choice. Every choice has a consequence, welcome to real life

  7. CardboardTick Avatar

    Your friend wants to be more than a friend. It’s time for you to choose. Either face the consequences and tell your fiancé or do nothing and let the “romance” continue and face greater consequences when and I mean when he finds out. People will always talk. But do know, you may more than likely loose some of your male friends as a result and your fiancé will thank you for being honest with him.

  8. gh5655 Avatar

    Starting your marriage as a borderline cheater and liar is not a great foundation for both of your futures.

  9. NotThatSeriousMang Avatar

    Tell him, and hopefully both of you cancel or pump the brakes on this “engagement”.

    It’s not 1964 anymore. Getting married young is statistically incredibly foolish.

  10. PixelNotPolygon Avatar

    Just don’t tell him. Almost kissing = not kissing

  11. Highlander0001 Avatar

    It’s hard for me to imagine doing this while engaged if you actually care about your partner.

  12. Accountnumber-3 Avatar

    At least you have good friends who stopped you

  13. IabiMyshkin Avatar

    I wouldn’t advise getting married anytime soon, clearly you are not anything like ready to commit to that. Tell your fiancée and be prepared for the end of your relationship.

  14. Gingygingygrant89 Avatar

    This is a sign you are to young to commit to marriage. No need to rush marriage.

  15. TJ-the-DJ Avatar

    You almost kissed someone? But you didn’t? Yeah, just don’t worry about it. You don’t do anything wrong. You didn’t kiss anyone.

  16. NocturnalGoddess_ Avatar

    yo, just be real with your fiancé. hidein’ stuff like that only makes it worse. tell him what happened, that you messed up but didn’t actually cross the line, and that you wanna fix it. the main thing is it didn’t go any further — a near kiss can be forgiven. yeah, it’s gonna hurt, but honesty’s the only way out. runnin’ away ain’t the move.

  17. platano80 Avatar

    Tell him, but he may break up with you. Its the right thing to do.

  18. _h_simpson_ Avatar

    The truth always comes out, it’s not a matter of IF, but WHEN. Just tell the truth and consequences are what they will be… You made a series of decisions that led you to the situation… clearly lines should’ve been drawn earlier. You also need to slow down and drinking as drinking is not an excuse for cheating (almost). Good luck !

  19. Bramble3713 Avatar

    Tell him, accept the consequences, and if he doesn’t break up with you, understand that you may end up having to cut contact with the guy friend.

  20. rstock1962 Avatar

    Your friends are owed something for stopping you. You didn’t kiss him and you don’t remember so I’m not sure if I’d tell him. Talk to your friends and see what they think. Then you’ll know if one might rat you out. Honesty is best but in this instance idk.

  21. warpainter Avatar

    You only really have two options:

    1. Tell him. This will devastate him, especially because he’s a 21 year old guy and he will not have the emotional tools to deal with a betrayal. If he forgives you he will still be in hell and so will you. Whenever you go on another trip or you go out with the girls he’ll be terrorized and jealous and very controlling and understandably so. That is all on you. If he has the maturity and courage he will break up with you which of course will also be hell for a few months. He is 21 and you 20 so you will get over each other even though it will be very painful and dramatic in the immediate future.

    2. Leave out the near kiss but still break up with him. No one (M or F) just gets drunk and randomly ends up kissing people without a reason. Some part of you is not taking your relationship seriously and is looking for an out. You may be conviced that you want to marry him and that he is the one but that is more than likely not the case. If I were you I’d see this mistake for what it is and communicate to your boyfriend the truth that matters. You went on a trip and felt attracted to other people and came close to making a terrible mistake. You want to break up to allow yourself and him to grow. The attempted kiss is a symptom of you being to young and immature to commit to having a serious relationship and you shouldn’t be stringing him along since he is likely equally immature.

    If you were 35 and married then this could be worked through because you’d both have a different level of maturity and enough perspective to go through some therpahy and come to understad each other’s experiences and reasons for things ending up this way. At your age you have not finished maturing and you will not be the same person in 5 years. Cut him loose and let yourself and him grow on your own paths. I’m sure you can grow to become a better person. Everyone makes mistakes at 21. It’s ok. Just let him down as gently as you can, don’t ruin his trust in other people and be the biggest person you can be.

    You can of course lie and not tell him anything but I wouldn’t recommend it. You are likely going to get caught lying and you are going to feel like a terrible person.

    Sorry if this post is harsh but I’ve also been 21 and I’ve made similar mistakes and have likely had them done to me.

  22. Retsameniw13 Avatar

    You need better boundaries for yourself and consider not drinking if you cannot control yourself. Major red flag. Doing something drunk doesn’t excuse anything and the fact you admit he was flirting and touchy, and you did nothing to shut him down, is a sign you aren’t committed to your relationship. Maybe you aren’t ready for a partner.

  23. Zestyclose_Public_47 Avatar

    Tell him and end the engagement. You obviously aren’t ready for that kind of commitment

  24. Big_Anxiety_7530 Avatar

    You need to tell him and tell him what you plan to do to make sure you never make this mistake again. No more drinking.

  25. Spaloosh7882 Avatar

    Hopefully he will understand alcohol was involved and you were blacked out. Is there any proof you knew it wasn’t your boyfriend. You could say I thought u were him… but also you didn’t really do anything. The kiss never happened instead of worrying about you almost kissing a guy maybe he and you more concerned about blacking out

  26. UpperLowerMidwest Avatar

    Just go ahead and break up with this poor dude, and let him find a mature partner.

  27. 1KirstV Avatar

    Why are you engaged at 20? Jesus go live a little.

  28. CarrotofInsanity Avatar

    Why are you engaged at the age of 20?
    You can’t even legally drink (if you’re in the US)

    How long have you lived on your own and paid your own bills? You are almost kissing other guys because you should be kissing them… or dating… getting yourself established and experiencing Adult Life for many years before settling down and getting married.

    Give yourself time to mature, grow, evolve…

  29. -AdequatelyMediocre- Avatar

    Are you sure you are ready for marriage? I don’t think someone who is truly ready to marry their partner would act out that way, even when completely smashed.

    You’re 20 years old, so it is absolutely understandable if you’re not ready. In fact, you may be the last to know whether that’s the case or not because at your age you just don’t have the life experience to make that judgment.

    If you still want to go forward with the wedding, you just have to have a hard conversation without excuses and no blaming anyone else (or the fact that you were drunk). If you can’t take accountability in an adult way, then that’s your sign that you’re not ready for marriage.

    Spoiler alert: almost no 20 year old is ready for marriage. I mean no respect. Also, I begrudgingly admit that maybe I’m just old (but I don’t think so).

  30. Appropriate-Mud-4450 Avatar

    Ok, I am a cheater myself, so I might be biased here, but first nothing really happened.

    But you face another problem. First, the dude himself, he seems to be after you. So if he stays in your friend group you might face another problem entirely. The question is how do you feel about the guy? Remember the attentiveness he has shown might be a play to get into your pants. So you need to be sure that you don’t feel anything towards him or he might wear you down. Secondly if he doesn’t get what he wants it’s possible that he will spill the beans on you.

    Secondly your friends who witnessed it.

    Even if they keep their mouths shut something like that has a nasty habit of coming out sooner or later. A drunken do you remember that night when you beat kissed X?

    So, even if you can bury it in your heart it’s possible to come to light sometime.

    And that is a surefire way to nuke the marriage, not because of the almost kiss but because you kept the secret possibly for years by that point. By then your now fiancée would not only be hurt but question the whole relationship. If you can keep that a secret what else do you hide?

    On the other hand if you tell him now and with witnesses that nothing actually happened chances might be better that he might get over the mess. But either way he will be hurt. And you might face the end of your relationship.

    Tough nut, but I think it’s better to come clean now then later. Too many witnesses and a guy with intentions in the group.

  31. lawdot74 Avatar

    At least she’s not blaming the alcohol.

  32. nickheathjared Avatar

    First you didn’t because you have good friends watching your intoxicated ass. Second, time to put down the bottle because you’re a lousy drunk. Third, rip the bandaid off and tell him what happened. Stop being dramatic. He’s going to react how he reacts and waiting is just going to make it worse.

  33. rhunter99 Avatar

    tell the fiancé the truth. accept the consequences of their decision. perhaps don’t get drunk next time. best of luck.

  34. EscapeArtist92 Avatar

    I’m going against the grain. Firstly you need to ask yourself do you have any doubts about your relationship, are you getting cold feet, do you love this man etc. if yes, then No, don’t tell him.

    People on Reddit are sanctimonious and don’t live in the real world. Telling him will likely end in a break up, just saying

  35. tedshreddon Avatar

    Not today bot!

  36. Lower-Sound-9895 Avatar

    You’re good, no harm no foul but alcohol isn’t an excuse. So for no on don’t drink as much not at all if you have to but I think the real issue is self control. I wouldn’t tell him, you didn’t do anything but please don’t drink past your limit, however much you drank that night is your limit.

  37. Analisandopessoas Avatar

    You need to tell your fiancé and be woman enough to deal with the consequences. Don’t blame the drink, from what I understand he was catching you and you didn’t pull away and wanted the kiss. So you were making a choice, to betray, you even needed your friends to intervene. Tell the truth, because he will find out from others and it will be worse.

  38. dreamsinred Avatar

    Based on your writing, I don’t believe you actually attended college.

  39. OddS0cks Avatar

    Tell him, but also maybe this is a sign you’re not ready for a lifelong commitment. That’s isn’t a bad thing, you’re only 20 and very few people can actually make a commitment like that at that age.

  40. slc29a1 Avatar

    You are way too young to be getting married. There is so much more life experience ahead of you that you can’t even imagine.

  41. edgiestnate Avatar

    You should tell him because the very next time you piss off one of those “friends”, you had better believe they would.

    Additionally, try and use even the bare minimum amount punctuation and grammar to form coherent thoughts in order to communicate correctly. Reading this made me anxious by proxy. How you do one thing is how you do all things and all that.

  42. ItJustWontDo242 Avatar

    You’re 20. Why do you even want to get married at your age? What’s the rush to grow up? Enjoy your early 20s without being tethered to someone. Nows the time to explore who you are and what you want out of life.

  43. BeautifulTerm3753 Avatar

    I don’t think you are ready for marriage. You have to tell him. You can’t start a marriage on lies. Also stop drinking and create distance with the flirty friend who is not a friend of “your relationship”.

    The truth will come out since the friend group knows. Tell him deal with the consequences

  44. Ok_Hammock_89 Avatar

    I would advise using periods the next time you type girl this is honestly so hard to read 😵‍💫

  45. grumpy__g Avatar

    Why do I have to marry?

    You are so young. You are still learning. Tell him honestly. Give him time. Drink less.

  46. FrogsEatingSoup Avatar

    You write like you’re 11. Combine that with your actual age and the situation you described, there’s literally no way you’re mature enough to be married.

  47. jehuey Avatar

    You almost kissing a guy “friend” means that you had some kind of attraction to this guy as well. With that said, maybe you shouldn’t be getting married yet.

  48. violetpiano Avatar

    it’s selfish of you to hold on to his guy atp. i understand you love him, but you clearly aren’t ready for marriage and clearly have committed issues that came out while intoxicated. alcohol brings out true intentions. cutting out alcohol is a good start but still doesnt address the issue. you aren’t ready for marriage. the next time you drink, you will want to explore someone else. you still want to sow your oats and that’s fine. you’re very young. but you do love this guy. two things can be true at once. that doesnt make you a bad person. it makes you an honest one. which is often villainized especially as a woman but it shouldn’t be. i’m sorry it has been. but he will one day be grateful. and you may be too. because you deserve to explore your sexuality and experience life. we’ve all experienced love and loss. it is how we grow. divorce is messy and even more painful. you did NOT cheat. you are NOT divorced. you can preempt all is this

  49. ChillWisdom Avatar

    Do you think your friends maybe don’t like your fiance and want to ruin your engagement? Have you talked to the guy you almost kissed to hear his side of the story? Maybe your friends are just being overly dramatic because they were probably pretty drunk too and their perception of the situation may not have been reality. I would ask this other guy for some clarification on what actually happened.

  50. EARTH2takeover Avatar

    Have fun with ur new bf 💀💀💀🐍🐍

  51. MCSenss Avatar

    In addition to all other comments: you have good friends!

  52. Fun-Stranger2237 Avatar

    Leave your fiance and tell him why so he knows it’s a you problem and not a him problem.

  53. Ok_Long_4507 Avatar

    You still single when you’re drunk out with friends you act single. Stay single. Because
    Deep down inside you want to be single
    Do not drag your partner into getting married
    When you’re not ready.

  54. mattdvs1979 Avatar

    Why wasn’t your fiancé on this trip with you guys??? You need to cut off that scumbag guy, presuming he knew you were engaged

  55. Select-Department483 Avatar

    Well, you’re far too young to get married. Go live your twenties. Have some random sex. Be wild. Get it out of your system.

    On another note, don’t tell him! That’s the dumbest thing you could do. Just move on. Reflect on it. If you want to experience other partners that’s a dif story. Maybe revisit your relationship… etc.

    But telling him is most likely gonna cause more issues than it solves. Move forward..

  56. No_Growth_4026 Avatar

    It takes 0 effort to not do this shit to people lmao lay in the bed you made

  57. ayyyylmao14 Avatar

    Be honest. The “easiest” what you are saying of vanishing away is easier for you but harder for him. You’re saying “easier” because you are acting like a coward by running away from trouble instead of facing the consequences of your actions. He will appreciate your honesty coming from you, and personally I would forgive you, skin is weak, women also go through temptations and alcohol just makes it harder on people, especially when you’re blacked out drunk, if you’re honest about your apology and are willing to make some changes as to who you drink with and where, he might let it pass.

  58. TB12ROY33 Avatar

    There is ZERO reason to tell him. You didn’t do anything wrong but learned a lesson. Ease up on the booze before you do something you would have to confess.

  59. Richard__Papen Avatar

    Don’t tell him. You were drunk and nothing actually happened.

  60. usernotfoundplstry Avatar

    you just have to be honest and accept the consequences for your bad decisions. this should also be a sign to you that you’re way too young and immature to be getting married. that would be yet another bad decision. i’m sure you think that your situation is different, or that your relationship is different, or that you’re different or he’s different, but i can assure you that none of those things are true.

  61. Richard__Papen Avatar

    Some of you have an extremely strict definition of cheating. Must be a modern thing.

    “Almost kissed another guy”. Almost. Almost kissed a guy means didn’t kiss guy. Didn’t kiss guy = didn’t cheat.

  62. Competitive-Wrap7998 Avatar

    So you didn’t actually kiss him just almost.
    I’d tell your fiancee you almost kissed someone when you were under the influence of alcohol.

    I’d not call yourself a cheater, considering you didn’t actually do anything.
    Plus, you’re 20, that’s all. Forgive yourself. End of, don’t listen to people calling you a cheater. They are projecting their own insecurities.

  63. thehumble_1 Avatar

    You didn’t cheat but by drinking uncontrollably you put yourself in a situation where cheating and other problematic things can happen. This sounds much more like an alcohol issue than a cheating issue. You really need to review your relationship with alcohol and see if it’s worth these types of risks.

  64. paparoach910 Avatar

    Marriage isn’t a good idea right now. Maybe it’s time to be single for a while to figure out what you really want, and who you want in your life.You’ll be doing your fiance a favor.

  65. Delta9THICC Avatar

    Well you’re about to be single. So go be a hoe then. But not before you tell him the truth.

  66. Balian-of-Ibelin Avatar

    Dude on the trip wanted to fuck you. Simple as.

  67. Ok-Pumpkin7165 Avatar

    I think you should come clean. He would be disappointed, of course, but since nothing really happened, it should not be a deal breaker. Hopefully you learned from the experience that it is not a good idea to get drunk since you let down your guard and ALMOST ruined your future.

  68. Life-Load-1788 Avatar

    Update
    I talked to the guy he was not at all drunk and was just making sure i was okay and just happened to be really close to me when i moved my head in his direction so according to him he just happened to be accidentally really close to me and according to my friends i almost kissed him on the lips but he moved so i did not
    and to answer the other questions no i dont like him he behaves the same with the other two females also so i know and he himself claims to have a girlfriend which we got to know abt at the end of the trip
    I understand that getting engaged at sucha young age is not the right decision.

  69. Glad-Gate-7844 Avatar

    Tell him and then leave him alone. He deserves better. You need to see a counselor

  70. Ohculap Avatar

    Just tell him.

  71. mynameishuman42 Avatar

    Don’t tell him. That’s an unnecessary burden. Learn from your mistake and decide to be a better person. Consider it a warning. And don’t accept overly friendly male attention in the future. As a man, there’s exactly one reason why a man does that. He wants to get in your pants. Politely brush it off in the future.

  72. Flip79_imrg Avatar

    So they were touchy and flirty and you decided to drink to the point where your friends had to physically stop you from kissing which you can’t even remember. You gotta work on yourself. You aren’t ready for marriage yet. And yeah, you gotta tell him. And yeah that’ll suck

  73. DramaticHumor5363 Avatar

    Are you sure your friends are being truthful?

  74. FoxElectrical1401 Avatar

    You shouldn’t be drinking.

  75. xrinnxxx Avatar

    You need to tell him. Also, I don’t see the point of your last sentence. That guy should not be on your radar at all and you should have set your boundaries from the very beginning with this guy.

  76. TallTacoTuesdayz Avatar

    Break up. You aren’t ready for marriage and you aren’t loyal.

  77. Majestic-Idea3765 Avatar

    It’s always “I got really drunk and don’t remember a single thing”. Accountability really is kryptonite for some.

    Tell him straight up so he doesn’t waste his life with you.

  78. Salty-Dog2144 Avatar

    Tell your fiancé you failed the fiancée test. Slink away. Question if you can be loyal to anyone.

  79. mooncandys_magic Avatar

    Sounds like you don’t actually care for your partner. You’re young and probably aren’t ready to settle down.

  80. Liathan Avatar

    You’re only 20, way too young for marriage, why the rush?

  81. MrBigglesworrth Avatar

    Start with punctuation and go from there.

  82. Jb02112000 Avatar

    TELL HIM he’ll respect u more for being str8 up but u gotta deal with the consequences u put urself i. That position so 🤷🏽‍♂️maybe play the tape thru next time if he means so much to u

  83. FluffyVulpine Avatar
  84. tousag Avatar

    Why the heck would you want to get married and commit yourself so early in life? Go out and experience more young lads and the rest of the world.

  85. ohkevin300 Avatar

    Nice, starting out on a good path, congratulations.

  86. aristocatin1 Avatar

    Tell and go through with marriage

  87. rrrrriptipnip Avatar

    You’re too you g to get married

  88. smooth_talker45 Avatar

    Don’t tell him, but don’t do it again either.

  89. Arnelmsm Avatar

    WTH? Break up with him! Please! He deserves someone more mature who will truly love him. I hope karma is kind to you but will probably hit when you go through your fun phase and realize that this boyfriend was the best thing to happen to you after a series of heartbreaks.

  90. noneofyourbeeskneez Avatar

    You’re clearly not ready to be engaged. Tell your partner and let him decide how he feels. Being a little drunk shouldn’t make it ok either 🤷🏻‍♀️

  91. BackgroundJeweler551 Avatar

    Why are you on the trip with guys if you are engaged. The ‘friend’ you almost kissed isn’t your friend, he just wanted to bang you and likely ghost you after. That’s why he was so attentive. I feel bad for your fiancee.

  92. Electrical_Pace_9409 Avatar

    Being drunk is no excuse. I’ve been blacked out more than I’d like to admit and never cheated because I didn’t want to cheat. You’re clearly not ready for a relationship let alone marriage.

    You need to tell your fiancé and look inwards.

    Best of luck. Life is about to get rough.

  93. Polkawillneverdie17 Avatar

    Break up with this man because he clearly deserves better.

  94. Aromatic-Lobster7738 Avatar

    You don’t. Nothing happened so what’s the point. If you want a happy marriage there are some things you should just keep to yourself. They dont need to know every single thing you do or think. I’ve been married for 25 years, and the best and happiest years came after we both learned this.

  95. SadProperty1352 Avatar

    Is this how cheaters are born?