I think big butts look as good as any butt does. But why are people these days (especially men) so obsessed with them? I know it’s only a trend and it’ll pass just like any other. Women’s body standards shift throughout history, i’m just pretty bummed that in this time period i’m not considered that attractive. I wonder how much culture affects sexual preferences and how much is innate.
I’m really flat and no matter what i do (eat a lot, lift heavy, etc.), i can’t seem to gain weight. I’ve been really insecure about my bony ass and legs for years. It’s especially affected my self-esteem now that i discovered that my boyfriend has been watching porn behind my back. And guess what category? Exclusively women with “gyatts”. Thick thighs, thick butts, big hips. Everything i don’t have.
We’ve only been dating for a couple months now so we hadn’t discussed nor established boundaries on the subject of porn yet. He apologised though, and promised to stop watching altogether and i trust him on that. He’s a great person and i know he wants my happiness. Still, i can’t help but feel inadequate, betrayed, and repulsed by the idea of having sex with him now. I don’t want anybody to see my shape, so i’ve started wearing more baggy clothing. My emotional reaction is to feel disgusted by every man and myself now. I’ve tried so hard being rational and accepting my body as it is, but i’m bombarded everywhere online with reminders that this is what men want. I don’t know what to do.
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find a way to love yourself. No matter how beauty standards change it’ll always come down to how confident YOU are in your body. Stop trying to aim for what men like and start aiming for what you like.
Men can find things attractive but not actually want or prefer it over what they have. You need to focus on your confidence. You are too young to spend any time stressing that you are not good enough for someone… you are amazing and perfect the way you are. And if he’s making you feel anything less than that.. dump him. Change the man to fit you , don’t change you to fit a man.
Skinny but healthy girls for me. Small boobs and flat ass is ok. Generally most guys are into that
I dislike porn but this is about your insecurity. Does your boyfriend compliment you and loves you? If that’s the case don’t create a problem if there isn’t any.
Honestly, understandable to be upset, my fiance enjoys porn that features well fit women. I am not a well fit woman, I am more…. stocky? Lol
But I also like watching poetry with men who are bigger or women with lots of different traits then my partner, I love breasts. … which he does not have as a cis man.
Honestly I would just ask if he is attracted to you and to say that you noticed he seems to have a “type”, then depending on how he reacts you can see how you feel.
Xoxoxo
Is he your preference? Have you loved and been attracted to people who werent your preference?
You live life with the cards you’re dealt.
this is sad. I think its important to understand that men are attracted to a lot of different things. He likes your heart soul and appreciates your body too. This is more of something your insecure about than a character flaw in him. Gotta get good with yourself sweetheart and stop comparing
What helped me alot is deleting social media. I don‘t have tiktok or instagram. 🙂 It helped me alot because I stopped seeing those perfect bodies and I didn‘t notice what the current standards are, only saw the real bodies. And for the boyfriend problem: ask him to stop watch porn (it is generally not good for the brain) and communicate how you feel.
“He promised to stop watching altogether and I trust him on that.”
I don’t know this guy, but just be aware that he might not be able to keep this promise, even if he wants to. Porn is an addiction and many men relapse even after making promises like this.
To be clear, porn is the problem, not you. Want to know how attraction works? Here it is: Every woman is beautiful if you have eyes only for her, and if you have roaming eyes, no woman will ever be beautiful enough. Your boyfriend has a problem that has nothing to do with your body type.
Awww. I know it’s easy to internalize that you’re inadequate. But you’re not! He’s with you cause he likes you as a whole person not because of a specific body part.
As someone who’s been around the block a few times, I’m gonna say remember you are more than just a body part or what your exterior looks like. You are the whole package.
You seem a tad bit immature, and you have low self esteem. Becuase he finds thick women attractive now you are disgusted at him? A person cant help who they are attracted to.. no matter what they say or do. Just like you. I’m sure you find some men ugly and wouldn’t date them. I’m sure you have a standard. It’s like him being mad at you becuase you think Ryan Reynolds is hot. It’s dumb. He’s dating you, he likes you, he’s attracted to you.. be happy about it if he treats you right. Every person im the world has a fantasy significant other even if they don’t want to admit it.
I love big butts. They’re awesome. And, to kind of put a further damper – I don’t think men’s love of big butts is a trend. I promise you men loved big butts in the past about as much as they do now. What’s new (and maybe just a trend) is women’s awareness that men like big butts. Women have a tendency to make up their own stories about what men like, and this is one time when they’ve actually hit on something real.
However… Most of the women I’ve been most intensely attracted to in the last few years did not have big butts. And it didn’t bother me in the slightest. I loved their cute little butts. One of them was pretty much flat all over, and I thought she was crazy hot. It’s a whole package kind of thing. If I’m going to be just watching a woman on a screen, then sure, why not, big butt, great. It’s different with an actual human being. If I’m attracted to her I’m attracted to.
Some juvenile men, and this is definitely your bf, want what they don’t have. Personally, I prefer the person to be attractive rather than fixate on the body. The person will grow more attractive as time goes by, and to be brutally honest, most bodies will get worse eventually. Me and my partner are both 70 and are reasonably healthy, not too bad to look at, but I feel they are the most beautiful person because they are attractive, kind, thoughtful generous, and loving etc
You have to understand that men find “women” attractive in general and it’s not just about one type of butt or any other body part. If he is with you, you are more attractive to him than a big butt.
I completely understand where you’re coming from.
The only advice I can give is to try and figure out what YOU want. If you’re ready to figure it out between you and him and go through tough conversations and you know he’s been honest before, then you need to be ready to talk about uncomfortable things. Unfortunately, it’s common for men, especially those who consume a lot of online content to find certain (more extreme) body types attractive, but that doesn’t necessarily directly translate to him wishing you looked a certain way.
You have to clear the air, speak honestly about how it makes you feel and ask him to tell you honestly about his habits. Desiring a certain type of woman is okay, but it gets more complicated if you’re in a relationship. I personally believe that from my values, you shouldn’t open yourself up to being enticed by others and that includes watching porn of women who look the opposite of your spouse and letting yourself be whisked away by a certain “look” of your preferred sex. I don’t think your boyfriend, if he was 5’2 and rather skinny, would appreciate you fawning and drooling over 6’5 bulky guys and only those guys. Same principle. I don’t think that’s respectful and that’s just me, even completely omitting insecurities and all that jazz, so I don’t agree with the people simply saying “it’s your insecurities, your problem”
In the end, I will say that caring this much, being hurt this much by what he gets off to does not signify a problem with how you look. You are beautiful and loved. It’s a problem of how you view yourself, and in my opinion a reflection of a core consequence stemming from chronic media overconsumption.
You have agency over what you decide to do, whether it’s to find confidence within yourself or simply find someone who holds similar values as you.
Do you only find one type of body features attractive? If you have preferences, do you think less of other features? Is there something you would change about your bf’s looks or is the whole thought kinda absurd?
Most people can appreciate wide variety of features and body types. Your body is worthy whether it is currently trendy or not and men aren’t a hivemind that is exclusively attracted to big butts. I understand your BF’s search history hit a sore spot but do not measure your worth by what is hot in social media.
I know media of all sorts tries to portray men as totally shallow. There’s good news. Most men don’t define their relationships based on a woman’s butt, boobs, hips, or thighs.
Men are perfectly capable of loving a woman’s essence, personality, and character. Even if you don’t believe that, most men are attracted to more than one body type, so you are worrying for nothing.
You’re perfect! End of story! Find the one that loves you for you!
Number one: communication! Express your insecurities with your partner. That will tell you all you need to know: do they support and comfort you? Or do they emphasis the insecurities and make you feel badly?
Number two: our bodies change throughout our lives and so do our minds and preferences. (What you found attractive at 16 isn’t necessarily what you find attractive now, right?) Especially from age 20-25 there are major changes as we age. Try to focus on what you like about yourself here and now (easier said than done— trust me I know) look at your friends and family (real people!!) and see what you like about how they look. Their nose, their smile, their cheeks, their hips: what is beautiful to YOU. Often times what is “conventionally attractive” or “in trend” is not what we actually view as beautiful in real people, but an assumption that that’s what beauty should be or an unobtainable fantasy (like a movie crush). Realistically everyone views different things as beautiful. Think about your friends! Things I so often criticize in myself, I think are beautiful on my friends, so I am learning to redirect that thought process to how I look at myself.
You mentioned that you don’t necessarily find a fuller figure as a higher attractiveness than a slimmer figure. which is good and realistic! You recognize that there are differences outside of these “model” standards/expectations. Try to find beauty in those figures similar to yours as you change and age!
Bottom line: no one should be making you feel unattractive or bad, especially yourself or a partner! Body trends come and go rapidly and can be very harmful on our sense of self. I’m sorry you are feeling this way 🙁
i date and have sex with my type. never been attracted to someone that wasn’t my type.
I’m not one of those people who will date a woman that isn’t my type but she’s great in other areas. I’m an all or nothing kind of guy. Saves me and women I’m with headaches.
Don’t know any dude who goes 50-70% on their type because everything else makes up for it. That’s pathetic.
Couple things.
Does he exclusively watch just that category of porn or is that just what you happened to find? Cause I definitely don’t only watch one category of porn and I definitely don’t only watch one body type of women.
Even if he has one specific “type” that still doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive. Someone else mentioned this but is he exactly your physical type? Does he have all the physical attributes of your type and if not, does that mean you don’t find him attractive?
It is understandable that this would upset you and affect your self esteem. But you already had these insecurities about your body before you even met him, so he isn’t solely responsible for the way you feel now. Don’t take out all your frustrations about your body image on him just because he’s an easy target for you.
It’s just a trend. Heroin chic was big in the 2000’s.
If I had to pick one, I personally prefer slim women. Even this has changed over time. That said, I like a large variety of body types, in different clothing, scenarios, etc.
I prefer thinner women in flowy dresses, toned women in tight clothing, and thicker women in high waisted jeans that accentuate their curves.
I prefer cuddling a thicker woman as they’re more squishable but I prefer to have dominant sex with a smaller one as they’re easier to manoeuvre and fulfil that whole d/s dynamic.
Therefore; don’t get hung up on it. You’re not just an object anyway. Personality is a far bigger part of attraction than body shape, ESPECIALLY in a long term relationship.
If that weren’t the case, you should still focus on what you can change and forget the things you can’t. Embrace who you are and make the most of what you have.
A common issue with men is balding. So many try and fight it with medication, cover it up with hats, get transplants, etc but then some just shave it and become confident about it, adopting it into their personality. Now they’re not seen as a “balding guy”, just a “guy who happens to be bald”.
From a male’s perspective; we men have thoughts and something those thoughts are pointless and dumb. Here recently, I messed up with a gorgeous and amazing woman who I love ; but I messed up by comparing her to some doll on Instagram. Focus on yourself, love yourself, you are beautiful in your own ways; god made you in his image. Your BF can “want” whatever he wants; but he should never compare or ask you to be something you are not; or not comfortable being.
My husband is a self professed boob man. Not giant ones but he appreciates a nice full b or c cup. I’m basically flat as a fucking board, especially after two kids. He’s obsessed with my boobs and body in general, and has never made me feel like anything less than worshipped when it comes to that. I don’t know and don’t particularly want to know who he watches in porn, but I’m pretty sure they aren’t flat ladies like myself lol. I don’t care honestly – as long as it doesn’t affect how he feels about me and treats me, he can have his visual fantasies. I don’t watch porn but I enjoy female oriented spicy romance movies and shows, and appreciate the body types most men have in them which are typically lean and muscular with six pack abs. That’s probably my ideal aesthetic male body type. My husband is in great shape but doesn’t have a six pack etc and likely never will – and guess what, not only do I not gaf, but I actually wouldn’t really want him to have the kind of restrictive lifestyle that would be needed to maintain that body. I’d much rather be able to enjoy things together like a meal out or drinks or some ice cream. But more importantly I don’t care what body type he has period, I love his body and am attracted to it because it’s him and I love him as a person, not his abs or whatever.
Point being – what we like visually or in theory does not mean we are incapable of being attracted to someone who doesn’t have these qualities, as long as we are attracted to the whole person.
For yourself only, regardless of anyone else, which body type would make you happy? When you know, take steps and aim for that, and be happy and confident about it. There’s help and support to achieve anything you want.
However, porn is neither a boundary nor an issue, let’s stop making it a cause of arguments in relationships. Trying to control someone is a boundary issue, you cannot tell someone what they can or cannot watch.
Also, your last paragraph is severely worrying. “My bf watched porn and now I don’t want to have sex with him and I’m disgusted by every man”. Girl, you’ve got to get it together, you can’t go through life like this.
Men have found butts attractive for hundreds if not thousands of years. Whit women in America even designed dresses to mimic the shape of African women. Today they take Maca, creatine and hit the gym to squire the same shape. Sorry to break it to you but men liking butss isn’t going anywhere. They are nice to look at. I will say women attached to the butts aren’t always the cream of the crop on the inside. That there is your opening.
This. We all have preferences and when you finally get the ideal body in your head you realize a year later those who have it change. Nothing last forever but the earth and sky.
I understand what you feel. It’s the fact that if we are the “whole package”, why is porn with big butt women something they would rather spend sexual energy on.
I feel for you, OP. I am overly sensitive to what my husband likes, that I do not have.
One afternoon, my husband and I smoked some weed, and being high, he made a comment/question that really broke my heart. He stated, “People with blonde hair and blue eyes are the most attractive, don’t you think?” I asked why he never dated a blonde girl in the past, and why did he want to marry me, a dark-haired, dark-eyed girl? (He did say people and not women, but he would only be looking at women, not men ). If he hadn’t been stoned, I don’t think he would’ve made that comment. He knows how insecure I am.
I have dark hair and dark eyes. With so much graying, I had already colored my hair to an ash blonde. After his comment, I bought blue tinted contacts. He had forgotten the comment he made but noticed my hair, which he liked.
He hadn’t noticed, or at least didn’t say anything about my blue eyes. When I told him I had blue contacts in, he looked closer, and at that point, I looked sideways, and the left one slipped behind my eye. I could feel it back there. He freaked out, which freaked me out. I tried squirting water in my eye, but it wouldn’t come back around. The next morning, while showering, the lost contact did come out. I’ll never do that again.
My husband loves me very much, and he not only tells me that often, he also shows his very strong love for me. This past April, we celebrated our 51st anniversary. I am overly insecure, though, I believe, from sexual assaults when I was 12. Also, my husband cheated on me early in our marriage.
I’ve had a hard life, though others suffer beyond what I have.
I can’t speak to any other men… but i know that all I want is loyalty and peace lol.