I ‘20F’ and my boyfriend ‘20M’ have been dating for a year and a half. I love him more than anything but the last couple months I’ve felt a huge strain on our relationship. We fight over nothing and point blank we have not been getting along at all. It makes me sad because I remember how wonderful our relationship was before. We literally share almost all interests and I consider him my bestfriend. I don’t know if it’s true that a honeymoon phase will end but I don’t like feeling that he is just content with where we are. I can admit I have mental illnesses that have caused me to snap but I got on meds and always try my best to explain to him how my brain works. We just got into a fight about how he promised to wake up and take me out to breakfast but he chose to stay up all night and slept until noon. This has happened a couple times and he gets upset when I bring it up. Then we fight. I try to come into every conversation gentle but it always turns into a fight. I just don’t know what to do and why it keeps happening. I can see where frustration will build up after having the same conversation over and over but I get to a breaking point, we both cry, promise to be better, then a couple weeks later it happens again. I just want to feel like he cares enough to change. I don’t know what else to say to him to make him realize. This is both of our first relationships and I’m scared I’m loosing him. We both come from bad homes and I can recognize how that can come into play here. He is not a bad person and I can see how much he does love me. But the emotional aspect is not showing it. I just don’t want to keep hurting each other. I’m sorry if this is a ramble I’m just at a loss and I want to work on things. I’m so sad thinking about it. What can I say to him to help?
TL;DR I can’t stop arguing with my boyfriend and I want to know what to say to him
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honeymoon phases always end, it’s just important to keep “dating” your partner & not just see them as.. maybe a roommate or whatever. if you have mental illness that’s gonna make things harder on both of u so u need to do some work in therapy, and he needs to do work in not falling through on what he says etc.
Your mental illness actually doesn’t seem to play a part in what you wrote about.
He’s promising you nice things and not following through. That’s not on you, that’s completely on him for letting you down.
I know you’re afraid to lose him but sometimes some people just aren’t meant to be. And you’re still so young too, don’t tie yourself to someone who keeps letting you down just because you’re afraid to be alone.
So, fun fact. For about the first 18 months of your time with a new partner, your brain floods you with “love hormones”, primarily oxytocin and dopamine. Then they fade. This gives you 18mos to build a solid foundation and figure out if you’re long-term compatible. There is a reason that so many relationships end around the 2yr mark.
If it isn’t working, it isn’t working. You are both so young, literally the worst thing you can do for both of you is stay together and try to make it work. Relationships are work, but they shouldn’t be hard. It’s kind of a nuance to tell the difference, but once you find it, you’ll get it.