**TL;DR;* :I (20F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been together for more than a year. I love him with all my heart and he’s the first boy that I really liked, but sometimes I feel like I fucked up this amazing thing right from the start.
We met on social media and clicked instantly, he made me feel the butterflies and all that stuff that I really never gotten before. We were seeing each other multiple times a week, but before we officially got together I went on a trip with my family. I was still talking to him everyday.
One night me and my sister (26) went out to go dance and things escalated a bit. I got too drunk and I couldn’t find her so I started talking to a guy who kept buying me drinks and was very interested in me. I thought that it wouldn’t be a big deal. One hour later we were making out on the dance floor.
At that time my sister and all my friend told me to not say anything because things were just starting out and we weren’t even together at the time of the kiss but I still feel so guilty. My boyfriend is always talking about how he never even thought about doing anything with anyone else since he met me, and he thinks that I’m so innocent and pure because I was a virgin before him. We also always told each other that honesty is the most important thing in our relationship (we are both very honest and not very trusting people) but I feel like keeping this little white lie is not that bad. I feel like telling him would completely change his view on me and it would break all the trust that we’ve built.
I was in another country when I met the other guy, I don’t remember his name or age so It’s not like I was actually interested in him.
I just wish I could erase that night from my memory.
(Sorry if bad writing, English is not mi first language)
Comments
Well, you need to decide if you want to feel guilty forever. If you are going to tell him, the sooner the better, not 20 years down the track when he is telling your kids how you met, and how you both fell in love with each other to the exclusion of others etc.
No, this is ridiculous, there’s literally no reason to tell him. You weren’t together. It’s none of his business. And in future: when you get together with a new partner, you’re not obligated to tell them your entire sexual or romantic history. That’s your business. Not theirs.
I don’t personally feel like you’re obligated to tell him. You guys were not officially together, and you are not required to have shared the same feeling of “exclusiveness,” when there was no title between you two. If it feels morally wrong to you, I’d say its up to you about whether you choose to tell him or if he chooses to ask/question you on your behavior prior to making things official. If you bring it up now it might just cause him to overthink and question the bond that you know for sure is strong but he might question if you feel as strongly about him as he does about you.
If there is nothing wrong with what you do, why are you hiding that from him? Some people date exclusively by default, let him know.