We were both around 14 during quarantine. Now we’re in our 20s. We met online and bonded quickly. shared interests, similar senses of humor, etc. At the time, I was isolated. My parents kept me cut off from the world. no school, barely any friends, barely allowed outside. So I invented a version of myself that felt safer. I didn’t think the friendship would last, so it was easy to lie. That doesn’t excuse it. just explains how it started.
I lied about serious things. like trauma, illness, my name, where I was from. I made myself into a character I thought someone might care about. A lot of parts are very real but a lot of them are fake. some big things.
What’s worse is I don’t think our friendship can survive the truth. I didn’t feel compelled to come clean until I started confronting other lies in my life, mostly with family. I think that timing says something about me.
and the worst part is, I kind of suspect they already know, or at least suspect something is up. Things have been brought up here and there.
We’ve talked every single day. This person has trusted me. And I’ve never truly been honest. With anyone I’ve met online. There’s always been some distortion. I’m not even overwhelmed with guilt over the lies themselves. I just feel sick knowing that telling the truth is going to hurt them. That I’m probably going to lose the closest person to me. I already tried running away, years ago, like a coward and they still tried contacting me after the fact because they cared and I still continued to hurt them with lies. It’s genuinely sickening.
I’m in a hard place right now. I’m having to make up for my past and things I didn’t really have the chance to do. They’ve been such a huge support system to me. I’m really not sure what I would do if I didn’t have them, even after I tell them. (which isn’t their problem, of course.) I don’t know why I waited until the hardest part of my life to do the right thing.
But I know the longer I stay silent, the more damage I do. And this isn’t about me or my shame or comfort. I love them. That’s the bottom line. And if I love them, I don’t get to decide what truths they don’t deserve to know. I really don’t want to tell them but they need to know. any advice is appreciated
TL;DR: I built an online friendship on lies because I didnt realize how important they would become to me and I need to confess because I feel remorseful.
Comments
The fact that you’re 20 and realize how badly you’ve fucked up means that maybe there’s some hope for you. Seek professional help.
But also, yeah, prepare to lose the friendship. When you cut an autobiography from whole cloth and lie about shit as serious as illness to manipulate and coerce others’ emotions (and make no mistake, that’s exactly what you’ve been doing), you run the risk that the people you’ve deceived will wash their hands of you once they know the truth. Take it on the chin and be better in the future.