Hey everyone, problem is pretty much in the title. Just for some background I met someone around 2 weeks ago now who I really clicked with and we started casually seeing each other over the past few weeks. They really are an amazing person and I’ve enjoyed my time with them immensely and have been thinking of asking them on their thoughts of making our relationship official sometime in the next week or so. The only problem appeared very recently yesterday morning. They texted me saying they were going to hang out with one of their friends and said their name which set off alarm bells in my head as it was a pretty uncommon name and was the same name as someone I hooked up with once around 7 months ago. Upon checking their followers on social media, sure enough it was the same person. I should mention that it didn’t end badly and it was a one time thing for both of us, but I’ve been super worried about how the person I’m seeing will react when I tell them I hooked up with one of their friends. I obviously don’t want to deceive them or lie to them about this and want to approach this in a way that would preferably end with us continuing to see each other. How do I approach this? Has anyone here ever been in a similar situation before? Any advice would be much appreciated!
TL;DR: Hooked up with the friend of someone I’m currently seeing in the past and need advice about how to approach the topic with them.
Comments
Let them know, but go into the conversation with the attitude that this is “ha weird funny coincidence” not “oh my god here’s this horrible thing that you’re going to react badly to.”
You should walk into the conversation with the frame that this is no big deal, while allowing them space to have a negative emotional reaction in the moment. But it’s amazing how often if you just very strongly approach something like it’s no big deal they’ll follow your lead. And certainly if you act like it’s shameful or embarrassing, it much more likely that they’ll react like it was.
Straight men typically have the biggest problem with, “yeah, you hooked up with my friend, you’re off limits” because of weird purity culture stuff. So kind of … the more queer your new person is, the less likely it is to be a big deal.