I’ve been with this girl I met 7 years ago. We’ve been best friends ever since, and we share a long history together. A year ago, I told her I loved her — and I kind of knew she had felt the same way for years before that. Since we started dating, I’ve been truly happy with her. I really do love her, and I know she loves me too. Our 7-year story and 1-year relationship make my feelings for her even stronger, and I deeply value what we have — both as best friends and as a couple.
But here’s the problem: even though we love each other, sometimes love just isn’t enough.
We have different wishes for the future, especially when it comes to having children. I’ve always known that I want to be a father someday — it’s something I feel deeply about, even though my future kids don’t exist yet. The issue is that she doesn’t share that same certainty.
She says she’s unsure about whether she wants to have children at all. Personally, I find it hard to accept breaking up over something that’s still uncertain, especially considering everything we’ve been through and the love we share. We talked about it, and I told her honestly that I can only see a future with her if we both want the same thing. For me, this is something non-negotiable.
In the end, I gave her two years to figure out what she truly wants — but now I’m not sure if I can stay in this relationship for that long without knowing whether we actually have a future together. I understand it’s hard for her, especially since she’s only 18 (almost 19) and might not have a clear picture of what she wants yet.
I see many possible problems with this situation. I love her deeply, but I also feel obligated to let her go for the sake of my dream of becoming a father. I could wait — but what if she eventually tells me no? Then all that time waiting would feel like a waste, time I could’ve spent finding someone who shares this same wish and could be my future wife.
My love for her keeps me attached, but my desire to be a father makes me feel like I should start looking for someone else.
I know we’re both still young and that I could find love again, but right now my feelings for her are still very strong. That’s why I’m unsure what to do. Break up? Shorten the time I gave her to decide? I really need some outside advice.
EDIT: 1. She always told me she wanted children, but suddenly told me it was all just a fantasy and not a certain wish. 2. Just to make it clear: I’m not talking about having children right now, but in the future (after college and having a stable job, etc). I will never change my mind in the subject. Always wanted it and see no reason to not want to in the future. 3. Don’t see, why the decision of having children this early is so problematic since I know several people my age and of the opposite gender who have the same wish for their future.
TL;DR: I want children in the future and my girlfriend can’t tell. Don’t know if I should give her time to think or simply break up.