I (20M) was trying to be there for this girl (31F), who I’ve known since I was 13, and she was 23—we met through Xbox. We reconnected when I turned 18 and grew closer, chatting often, flirting a bit, and eventually, I developed real feelings for her.
Last month I visited her for the first, she was in a different state, it was nice to put a voice to a face in person, I mean I’m not just some random kid, she has been there for me, and we would always talk and game. It wasn’t till I was obviously older where I started to develop feelings. She never reciprocated them because she never saw me like that, it would be considered grooming at a young age, and I wasn’t about that, but idk when I got older (20) I started to feel something… I was very mature at my young age, that’s why she stayed in contact and befriended me. It was all innocent and playing video games
She’s been dealing with a toxic, on-again-off-again situation with her ex (30M). They aren’t officially together, not intimate, but they co-parent and have tried to “make it work” since their 2021 breakup. He’s apparently been more “consistent” lately, according to her.
Her birthday (recently):
That night, she messaged me crying:
“I’m so mad I’m literally crying.”
I immediately called her. She said she wasn’t hurt—just pissed—but she was crying, and I was just trying to be there for her.
Later, I sent this follow-up message:
“You’re not weak or stupid for trying again—it shows how big your heart is…
He made you cry on your birthday.
Pressured you to go out when you were tired, got mad over a cake, was annoyed you gave your daughter food… That’s not love. It’s control.
Blocking him was the healthiest thing you could’ve done.
You don’t deserve these cycles—you deserve peace.
Let this be the last time he makes you feel this way.”
She heart-reacted and thanked me. She also said during our call that she realized the situation was toxic and there was gaslighting.
Next day:
She seemed fine. We exchanged reels on Instagram and got on Xbox later.
Then she told me her ex came over, apologized, and they talked outside. She didn’t let him in. I said, “I don’t know what to make of that,” and she said, “Me neither.” I went quiet. She asked what was wrong, and I told her honestly:
Me: “I’m pissed.”
Her: “At what?”
Me: “At you.”
Her: “Why?”
Me: “Because of him and what you told me. Because you’re not listening. You came to me.”
She got extremely defensive. Accused me of judging her, said I wasn’t being a friend, and left the party mid-convo. I didn’t even get to explain.
Then I got a message:
“I just want you to know that after today I’m done confiding in you…” The trust is broken… I’ll never say anything to you again.”
She sent several more messages:
“Thanks for your time/advice. Sorry, I wasted it.”
“You think you’re the only person who cares about me? My cousin knows me more than you ever will.”
“Your time is clearly too valuable for me.”
“I won’t be saying anything to you. Trust me.”
(And a quote about people using your confided feelings against you.)
I tried to explain, begged for a phone call:
“Please call me—I’m not judging you, I just care.”
“You left the party before I could explain.”
“You know me. I wanted to help you process, not shame you.”
“I called you crying on your birthday because I care.”
“If you can’t give me the decency to explain—then I guess I was wrong to even try.”
She never responded and blocked me on everything (Snapchat, Instagram, texts)—but not Xbox, which I found odd.
Out of genuine concern, I messaged her brother (we’re mutuals) just asking if he could call me. I didn’t go into detail. I just said it was important and private. He saw it and never responded.
TL;DR:
I (20M) have known this girl (31F) for almost 10 years. She’s in a toxic situation with her ex and came to me crying on her birthday. I tried to support her, called her, and sent a heartfelt message. She thanked me, but the next day, when I expressed concern that she was talking to her ex again, she accused me of judging her, blew up, and blocked me on everything. I never got to explain what I meant. Now I’m left wondering—was I out of line, or was I just being honest, and she couldn’t handle it?
Comments
You keep posting this. The answers will remain the same.
She came to you as a friend and you cast judgement on her decision. Even if you thought her decision was a shitty one, you had no right to make it about you and express anger at it. You barely know this person in real life, she has much more of a relationship with her partner, whether he’s a dick or not, and her having to manage your feelings on the situation as well as her own is understandably not something she signed up for.
AI…so many em dashes
You claim you are mature for your age, but you are not.