So i did the unthinkable, i cheated about a year ago. We were first starting out and it was with the mother of my daughter. No excuses, no anything. Everyone has spoken to me on it and we have been trying to move past it. However, p even though my girlfriend says she’s moved past it, I don’t think she has. Even if she has, the way she’s treating me isn’t right. For months i let it happen under the idea of “this is her anger for what i did, i deserve this to some extent, it’ll go away or at least lessen over time.” but it hasn’t, at all. just recently she’s been worse than ever.
shes physical with me, and most recently she pulled my hair, pushed me into things, punched my body, dug her nails into my neck so hard it left scabs after, and kicked me. some of these it is not the first instance, but it is definitely the first of all of them in the same day. she yells and gets extraordinarily angry with me over the smallest of things, and lashes out very easily. she has slammed
my car door out of anger a few times but most recently she did it and now it doesn’t open unless you open it by the inside.
she constantly threatens to break up with me and such and even when she isn’t doing that it feels like i’m constantly begging or asking even for just attention. She even tried to fuck here ex, it was just too awkward to actually start. she says it’s fine because of what i did and also we weren’t together, which definitely is s lie but it was so long ago and i just recently found out and she won’t tell me the date it happened.
she doesnt like the real me, she gets annoyed when im loud. she doesnt like how much detail i put into my stories when im so excited to tell them to her and just cuts me off saying “get to the point please” and says its annoying that i talk so much.
ive just realized she only likes the me that puts her first, she had actually asked me to put her before my daughter, which i said she was being stupid to ask and ignored it. she has told me to die, saying she hopes i die, and hopes i never see my daughter again. things i wont ever forget.
the thing also comes from the fact that she is genuinely going to lash out if i break up with her, and id feel bad. i put her through something horrible and she stayed, but i feel at this point its the same if not worse for me. id still feel bad though.
shes told me she would damage my car and act crazy if i try to break up with her and i dont know what to do. i want to, but honestly im scared and i feel guilty. but i do want to. i have a trip in 3 days that i want to take to see a friend and im gonna be there a few days and i would like to use that to maybe get away as i break up with her but i dont know. i honestly need advice and help.
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Dude, for your own safety. Leave. Text her about the break up if you have to.
Break up with her. And start making better decisions with your life. You are 20 and already have a kid. You cheated on your gf. And you are staying with an abuser. Take a step back and try to figure out why you are hellbent on creating drama and chaos in your life.
If you live together, take all your stuff and leave while she is gone. If you don’t live together breakup with her as soon as you’re on your way out of town. Document everything, and report anything she does moving forward.
She’s abusive and there is zero reason for that. Your last actions are crappy, that doesn’t justify her actions.
You both deserve better.
Your GF is abusive. You need to end the relationship ASAP, to protect your own safety. If that means breaking up via text rather than telling her person that it’s over, this is one of those rare cases where that’s the smartest thing to do. Talk to someone at your local domestic abuse agency if you’re worried she’ll go beserk and continue to try to hurt you after the breakup. They are experienced with this sort of thing, and they can provide you with resources and help you develop a safe escape plan for you and your daughter.
Dude, leave! For real. This is beyond, “Oh, you cheated on me.” She is abusing you. She is telling you to forget your kid. Get rid of this crazy chick. She needs to get some help, and you need to grow up. You got a kid. She is always supposed to be first, before anyone else. Keep it that way. And anyone who tries to get in the middle of that needs to be shown the door.
End it.
What’s the question? You feel guilty because you cheated. You complain that she hasn’t gotten past it, but neither have you. Own your guilt and move on. Your gf is obviously a nutjob and you need to get out ASAP. Yes, she sounds scary and dangerous and may well lash out in a way that will cause you real pain. Then again, she might do it anyway even if you stay. You owe it to yourself AND to your daughter to avoid all this chaos.
RUN. this is an abusive situation. you are not dating a person who is working to reconnect after a relationship injury, you are being abused. And if your child is witnessing it, your child is also being damaged by her behaviour. There’s absolutely no excuse for the way she’s treating you and it will only escalate—get out of there and then get yourself to therapy
You’re being abused. I would look up domestic abuse organizations near you and get help to get out. Get some mental health help and focus on you and your kid.
Leave. Did you fuck up? Yeah, but that’s not an excuse to be abused. You’ll be labeled the bad guy. Walk away, while you still can
She stayed after you cheated because she saw it as a fantastic excuse to green light her abuse. I’d bet normally she slowly ramps up into being abusive in relationships but in this one she treated you cheating as a gift and went from 0-100. Yeah what you did was absolute shit. It does not excuse or justify even one single instance of her physically or emotionally harming and attacking you. Being realistic for a second which ppl are gonna hate but w.e., maybe if she slapped you and told you she wished you were dead when she found out in that moment, I could understand and in your position maybe get past it. If she recognized that was not acceptable immediately, due to age and circumstances and stuff again I’m not saying it was okay but I mentioning these things because I want you to look at how even her doing that even though it’s unfortunately commonplace and us as girls are taught that that’s an okay reaction in that situation, even that’s not okay right so everything that she has done is in no way excusable and in no way has anything to do with you cheating. A normal reaction would be feeling upset and betrayed and being cold and distant right this is not have anything to do with you cheating. I can’t tell if you live together or not I really hope not because of the kiddo, if you do then you need to pack up all your stuff when she’s not there I have a friend with you when you’re doing it because the last thing you want is for her to come home. If you don’t live together thank goodness you could have a friend… Well I don’t know what she’s like so I don’t know if she’s the type of crazy that is going to not care that your friend is there, but if that would deter her then you can have a friend wait outside to ‘pick you up’ for your trip (they don’t even have to have anything to do with the trip they’re just back up), and tell her that you are ending things and then leave. Set expectations very clearly tell her that you are ending things because of the way she is treating you and it is not excusable or justifiable because of what you did. It is entirely fair if she never forgives you for what you did and you are in no way saying that she should be over it, but the way that she has chosen to express it it’s not acceptable. That you have to remove yourself from the situation permanently for your well-being and your daughters well-being and her well-being as well because she deserves a better relationship with a happier start (if she’s treating people like this she doesn’t but that can sometimes help mollify people like this in these moments, saying hey we are not good for each other I don’t want to do this to each other anymore can sometimes help them not be as aggressive in their defense of themselves). Again set expectations so I am going to have your number blocked while I’m away. If you respect this breakup and the distance and boundaries I’m setting we can try to have a closure conversation down the line (don’t set a specific time frame for this this is to get yourself space and away) but I need to implement a clean break for both our sakes and I have been neglecting to pay full attention to my child and I am regretful of that and I need to rethink and recalibrate and I cannot do that if we are still in contact. And then remove yourself from the situation. And seek therapy because you have had a kid extremely young, you have an extremely weird unresolved relationship with their mom do you have to co-parent with for not the next 18 years but the next rest of your life because when your kid turns 18 you’re not suddenly off dad duty, you have been in an abusive and awful really abusive relationship for a year, I’m sure there’s a lot more going on and that has gone on to lead up to this as well. You cannot be a good father if you are not your number one priority. Making yourself your priority is making your child your first priority because you cannot show up for that child 100% that they deserve and need if you are not showing up for yourself 100% first. So if you are unwilling to do this for yourself do it for your kid. If you are unwilling to do it for your kid then I hate you and you still don’t deserve to be an abusive relationship but you’re a dick. Hopefully that’s not the case and good luck!
I don’t think you should just break up with her. I think you should go file a police report and show them all of the marks she’s left. Ask for a restraining order for yourself and your daughter and ex. Say you’re afraid of her hurting them as well because she’s mentioned it or something along the lines of that. If she breaks that order- she can be fined or go to jail. This is the cleanest way to do it. It’s not that hard to file the order- just go to your local police station with whatever evidence you can muster to help get that restraining order. They’ll handle the rest through a judge. But you won’t have to do anything really. If they can get you that emergency protective order (EPO) then you can submit for an extension through the local superior court of your county. There should be free law facilitators that can help you fill out the form and then file it. Protect your kid OP.