I (21F) don’t know if I want to be with my girlfriend (21F) anymore. How do I deal with this?
I feel like I demanded too much from her at some point and it became worse overtime. We’ve been together for 9 months now but known each other for 6 years, we’ve been best friends well still are. At the beginning of our relationship she was really sweet, she started opening up more and more and she was caring, did things for me like help me with cooking, cleaning, drew things for me, wanted to do a lot of couple stuff like we made matching charms out of tincans. didn’t forget what I asked, more touchy. At some point overtime it all suddenly changed, I know that people say this obsessive phase eventually disappears don’t get me wrong I don’t want a perfect relationship it’s impossible but I feel unloved lately and I can’t help it. I talked with her many times about it and I think I demanded too much of her, for example I asked if she can be more touchy with me again because physical touch is my primarly love language and I noticed she doesn’t hug me back anymore when I don’t hug her, she lays on just one side and wants me to hug her when we watch movies but when I turn around because I’m uncomfortable with the position she doesn’t want to hug me because “she can’t lay on that side” and when I tried to go over to her side then she said no, which yeah sure fine with boundaries but she didn’t do that before and I can’t help it, I need physical touch. We’re already barely touchy anymore and I’m doing fine most of the time but I really miss this. Told her that, she said it’s the heat which okay understandable but she doesn’t say anything when I’m the one hugging her she just doesn’t want to back. When she comes over to my place she uses her phone a lot, not really paying attention and getting irritated when I point out I wish she would spend less time on her phone when she comes over because we usually just have two days of meeting and after an hour or two I get bored of scrolling on tiktok or twitter. First thing she does in the morning too, she turns around and takes her phone. Fine, I do it too when I’m alone but I rather spend my time with her when I’m with her. Maybe I really am too demanding but I can’t help it, I feel ignored. We also didn’t have sex in months and while I’m fine with it I kinda don’t buy her explanation because I did bring it up. She said she’s just not that sexual. Except she says she masturbates a lot, making jokes about it to me, talking about how sexy her favourite characters are, today after she went home she said she’s gonna read fanfics followed by “gooner behaviour” and is a self proclaimed freak so I think she is in fact sexual… Just not with me anymore. I get it, maybe I’m too pushy and can’t expect her to do what I want. She doesn’t compliment me by herself either, I lowkey try to get it out of her on purpose sometimes because I want to know if she thinks I look pretty in some outfit or makeup for example. She says she will do something but then doesn’t a lot. She was saying she will do hickeys and she’ll play a board game we used to like with me but then didn’t even though I reminded her three times today. She just doesn’t do stuff for me unless I ask her I feel like she doesn’t think of me. I don’t know. I shouldn’t mention it so late but I struggle with mental health and so does she. I have periods when I’m very sensitive and emotional and I pick up every shift in tone and when she gets irritated with me very personal when I’m in this phase. I’m trying my best not to but I can’t help crying out of nowhere sometimes. She got irritated with me that I did today and sat on her phone next to me when I cried, eventually put her hand on my back tho, that’s a plus it was somewhat calming… She said I should tell her if she does something wrong but I think I may have overwhelmed her and that’s why we grew distant, because my last two talks I was really being overdramatic, I got upset that she said she finds someone’s body attractive and I know I shouldn’t have, but my mental health is really poor rn. She is doing better now so I’m probably being too much. We talked many times I asked her if she can take initiative in things as well because I want her to put effort too she said she will try but it just doesn’t happen. She rarely does, she just says what she wants to play or watch. She doesn’t even communicate that well with me anymore, instead of saying yes or no when I ask something like if she wants to eat that or that she’s just mumbling and when I ask her to talk clearly because I don’t understand she gets irritated. I don’t know, I used to be so sure we’re soulmates and I wanted her to be mine forever but she said I should put myself first not her. I’m trying to, that’s why I’m reflecting more these days. Her texting me nice words but struggles to even say I love you irl sometimes I was fine with it at first but now it feels like it’s a chore for her. She said she can’t be all lovey dovey that she’s not romantic which is also fine but she also claims she was never like this but she was. She really was in the beginning, she was more thoughtful and caring. I feel like I ruined our relationship by demanding too much of her. I’ve pointed out a lot of small things that didn’t matter because I used to be so insecure that she would leave me now that I understand it and want to change and told her so I feel like it’s too late because we grew too distant, she doesn’t really think of me anymore. Thats how I feel. I love her but I don’t know if I want to be together anymore. I have ocd and I don’t know if it’s relationship OCD I’m going through or is it genuinely happening, how do I repair this. I don’t want anyone else, she claims she doesn’t either. I don’t know what to do to fix it. I don’t want to break up but I don’t want to bring this up AGAIN because she might get tired of me. I can’t help feeling like this. What can I do? I want her to do stuff for me too not only want stuff from me, I told her that but it doesn’t change. How can I help this without bringing it up? I genuinely feel hurt I think it’s my fault but she said she won’t leave me and that we can work on it. But how?
TL;DR: Girlfriend and I aren’t as close as we used to be, probably because I demand too much. She’s grown distant but talking it out doesn’t seem to work. How can I fix this?