i’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months now. i love him deeply and things have been pretty good so i moved in with him this past week. our relationship is generally pretty great with little problems other than how deeply insecure i am over his ex. at first it didn’t bother me when he mentioned her, little anecdotes relevant to our conversation at the time. the more he mentioned her though, the more i felt upset by it. like she was on his mind a lot. but it didn’t get to me too much until i found a photo of her on his phone (we were looking at each other’s camera rolls). i was feeling really insecure that week and then it hit me like a gut punch. she’s so much prettier than me and i felt so horrible i just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. i couldn’t stop crying and feeling like the ugliest girl in the world and that im the biggest downgrade of all. but eventually i moved on and didn’t think about it. i moved in and things were just fine until today when i went to make breakfast for him and i had to hear him make a point about how all the kitchen appliances and utensils etc. were his ex’s. i thought i was weird for feeling a certain way about making my man pancakes with his ex girlfriends cookware so i moved on. then we were cleaning out this dresser in the spare bedroom so i could put clothes in there and found a couple of her items, including a random tiny sock. so he just had to tell me that she had really tiny feet, i do not. i am deeply insecure about how big i am in every way. him not being shy to tell me i have man hands just really reinforced this insecurity. so i just finally melted down again, feeling like shit and like i can’t compete in any way. sometimes i think of all the horrible things he’s told me about her and i feel like a total idiot for being jealous of this random girl because she’s prettier than me, but no one tells ugly girls how to date hot men so i feel like a walking lump of garbage and i don’t know how to cope. i can’t bring it up with him because he gets upset when i express any insecurity or problem and i don’t know what to do. he gets hit on and asked out all the time and i feel like im fighting the world sometimes.
tldr; im insecure of my boyfriends ex and i don’t know how to cope
Comments
When did they break up?
Please back up and look at your bigger picture — you moved in with this much older man after knowing him a short time; you are afraid of upsetting him by being open about your feelings; you are deeply worried about being too ugly for him. You do not need to live like this. It’s ok that you made a mistake but you don’t have to keep making it. Move out. You can keep dating him to see if you will become more comfortable.
Why are you moving so fast? You barely know him and you’re already living together. If you’d spent more time getting to know him you would have realised that actually you don’t want to live with someone who makes you feel insecure about your appearance.