I (21F) feel like i’m already entering a dead bedroom life with my (21M) boyfriend

(throwaway account)

I have been with my boyfriend, going on 4 years now, and I feel like our sex life just keeps getting worse. For context we are highschool sweethearts and became sexually active fairly early on in our relationship. However, we didn’t start living together until June 2024. In the beginning of our relationship, our sex life seemed great in the sense that I never felt like it was too much or too little. But i would say that over the past year and a half I feel like the only one who cares about having sex anymore.

I would say that i guess i’ve always had a somewhat high sex drive, but not too high that it seems absurd. I would be perfectly content with sex 3 ish times a week. However, getting sex once a week out of him feels like i’m begging for it until he finally caves. For example, I will straight up have to ask him “can we have sex today?” and he will almost always promise me we will, but when the time comes, he shuts me down and says “sorry not tonight.” I just feel like it gets my hopes up, and in the end disappoints me, to the point where I go to bed almost every night feeling rejected. Now, i completely understand that straight up asking for sex might not be a turn on for him, but the only reason i feel i have to ask, is because any time i try to initiate without asking 90% of the time i get turned down. So in the end, I just end up feeling like what’s the point?

I also understand that he works out in the heat for 8 hours a day, while I stay inside writing essays and doing schoolwork. So I get that he can feel tired, which is why i don’t let it get to me too much during the first couple days with no sex. So i’ve started looking at the weekends as the perfect time to squeeze in sex. However, he drinks too much on weekend nights (past the point of a slight buzz where i’m at) to the point where he gets so tired that he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. I’ve brought this up to him multiple times before, but he just says it shouldn’t be a big deal that he wants to have fun on the weekends.

I try not to compare myself or our relationship to others, but other people our age seem to not have this problem. In my head, I can’t understand how such a young guy can turn down sex at the rate he does.

Even just general intimate comments aren’t there. Things like “you look so sexy” or “i can’t wait to get you home” are completely non-existent. I look at friends and couples around us, and their men just can’t seem to keep their hands off their girls on a night out. I’ve just never had that.

I just fear that if i’m so unhappy with our sex life now, I can only feel like it’s going to get worse.

Tl;DR: I feel like i’m already entering a dead bedroom stage with my long term boyfriend at the ripe age of 21. He turns me down more often than we have sex.