I don’t know where else to put this, I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it but I want to ramble.
I love my boyfriend so, so much. He’s by no means a perfect person but to me he is everything. I want to be better because of him. I love who he is as a person, I love his habits and his passions and how he interacts with his friends. I love how considerate he is and I want nothing more than to stay with him. I don’t want anyone else. I’ve dated 3 people before him and it was only because I felt obligated to do so because they’d asked me, threatened me, or been so persistent that I was worn down.
We’ve been together for a little over 6 months now and it took me this long to realize that I’d been subconsciously trying to keep him at a distance, to “protect” him from myself, because I was afraid he’d find out I’m an awful person but in doing so I think I’ve hurt him. All the while, I was trying to better myself, to teach myself how to be vulnerable, how to receive love, how to want things so I can be better for him. I love him so much. I’ve been crying over it for days and I don’t know what to do with myself.
I want to be someone deserving of him. I want to make him happy and safe the way he does for me. I didn’t know loving someone would hurt so much but I am so proud of him and I wouldn’t want anything different.
TL;DR: I love my boyfriend so much it hurts and I don’t know how to be normal about it. Sorry lol