So I spent the day with my bf of about 9ish months now. For a reason or another we never got to have more than bjs, him touching my breasts etc.. but ive also been scared of touch because i never have been touched much by my ex and he especially never dared to even touch me down there, meanwhile my Amazing and lovely boyfriend (bless his soul) actually cares about me and touches me although I get so scared when it comes to my pussy That I panic and never let him touch.. I mean we almost had the opportunity today.. I was at his after his workday as we went together so we could do the after school event together and as we were home his dad went out. He went and showered then came into his room half dressed as I was on his bed waiting. He was being sweet and rubbing my thigh and stuff and I wanted to do stuff,I’ve wanted to do it so badly. But I got scared so so scared that I panicked and wasn’t sure if I could do it. Fuck I was so disappointed in myself because im practically usually begging for it and being a horndog but I got absolutely spooked.
Idk if it was because I noticed the condom he had out too (which i majorly respect cause he knows I use bc too and that fact he would wanna use condoms too ,when my ex didnt want to another reason why it never happened, just makes me love and respect him more because he cares about my wellbeing) but i think it made it click in it was about to get real like actually gonna do it and i got so scared.
Why did this happen I mean I thought I was ready and its been almost nine month relationship. I love this man dearly and he does love me as well, hes my first real boyfriend thats local too. Im so sad I panicked so bad. Thankfully (again bless his soul) he understood he was like you dont have to if you’re not ready and was very comforting to me. I did atleast give him a bj because I did want to as I love to please but I wish I could’ve gone further. I wish I didnt panic and shutdown.
What could have causes this panic/shutdown? How can I prevent it too? He’s my first of mostly everything.. so he would take my virginity.. and I just.. dont know why i respond this way? What can I do to help myself here and make it better for next time so I can actually go through it?
What can I also communicate to him to prepare for next time? Do I tell him all this? Should I ask if maybe we can plan our first time ahead of time so I can expect it?
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Take your time. Itâs not a race. Remember that communication is key. Itâs your first time and itâs totally normal that youâre going back and forth. Youâre crossing your own boundaries and youâre free to go as slow as you want to. Respect your limits and communicate how you feel and see things with him. You got this!đââď¸
Thereâs literally no rush – youâre in a loving relationship with a caring and patient partner. You have the best case scenario here for workin on your sexuality. Iâd suggest easing into it more and doing more foreplay to get yourself hyped up and then when youâre ready, youâre ready. Do whatever you need and want to get into that zone, relax, and let yourself feel free. Even if it takes a few tries, thatâs ok đ
Are you mostly scared because itâs your first time or maybe because youâre a little insecure about your body?
If itâs just the first thing then try to remember he knows itâs your first time and he knows you donât know what youâre doing lol. Itâs a good thing, heâs patient and heâs NOT going to judge you about anything. Sex is weird so donât be afraid, enjoy it, and you donât have to be perfect nobody is.
If itâs mainly the second thing I would dim the lights, or turn them off maybe have some candles for mood lighting. You can always start with a baggy shirt on and a few minutes in when youâre more comfortable you can take it off. I would also recommend Boric Acid suppositories (you insert them in your vagina NOT by mouth) if you feel like your ph is off or if you want to smell like literally nothing which always makes me more confident.
Good luck girl! You got a good guy and it sounds like heâs treating you right so do want you want alreadyđđťđ I know youâre so ready lol