24M “L” has been pursuing me 21F for over a year now. I gave him a chance and realized we werent compatible (he was jealous of my past and always checked my phone and wanted to know what I was doing every hour of the day. )
i tried to break things off but we worked together so it I was never able to go no contact or break things off so I kept giving in when he begged for another change. This became a cycle of me saying I was done and then going back when he asked for another chance. I take the responsibility of not staying firm in my decision and always giving him another chance.
Through out the year that we were on and off, I grew so attached to him but knew at the bottom of my heart that this is not who I want to marry, he just made it so clear that he wanted to be with me. Always expressed sincere love, treated me like a princess, always available for my every want and need. After i told him i didnt want to be with someone who is jealous, he did his best to change his ways. there was still some stuff that bothered him but he did change alot for me.
I got a new job about 1 month ago and decided to myself that i was going to give him a real chance to for us to be together. We were the perfect couple for those few weeks but still small cracks would show. He would get upset that i didnt want to post him on social media (i prefer to keep my love live private). He always asked what i was doing on my phone. He made it clear that i was not to talk to any other guys unless it was for school. (Hes a recent college graduate and i am going to my senior year of college)
So i decided you know what i dont want to deal with this anymore. So AGAIN i decided to break things off. This time i had no excuse to go back to him, i dont have to see him at work. I went no contact by blocking him in everything but a couple weeks ago he showed up to my work and talked to me in the parking lot as i was leaving to go home. He just wanted to tell me that he misses me and still wants to be with me. So we started texting again and he still keeps saying im the one for him. Side note one of the times we were not talking during this past year, i spent a night reconnecting with an old flame where we got to second base. I told L about it when we were back to talking and he was furious and claimed that I cheated on him. I do get his anger but technically we werent together. Regardless of the specifics, i still feel extremely guilty.
Anyway, now I am sure i just want to end this cycle that has been going on for a year but i cant help but feel so stupid and i can’t forgive myself for all i did. Throughout this whole year, he never once wavered in his love for me. Even now he is still saying he will never be with anyone else and he will wait for me. So its so hard for me to let go. I want to go no contact but the thought of that breaks my heart. He is someone who just wanted to love me and be loved by me and all i did was break his heart over and over. He is the sweetest boy ever and i dont want to keep contacting him out of my own shame. He has told me that i broke him and that he doesn’t believe in love after me especially since his parents got divorced and brother gf also recently cheated and left him.
He was my best friend. Always looked after me and made his no 1 priority. I feel like the biggest asshole for letting this drag on for as long as it did even though we did have great moments of love and friendship.
So i told him i dont think its healthy for us to keep contacting anymore. He said he will wait for me and he only wants me. I told him to live his life and im not asking him to wait for me. And he said hes made up his mind, he doesnt want anyone else, and he’ll be waiting if i ever change my mind. I feel so much pain and sadness over trying to leave him.
I guess my question is has anyone experienced something like this and how did you move on from a relationship you decided to end but still feel guilty about? Btw this is my first real relationship experience so i have no idea what im doing. Anything will help, thanks.
Tldr: i had a long complicated relationship with a guy. I decided to end the relationship but feel guilty about it and don’t know how to move on after he has expressed that he has no desire to move on.
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I have two words for you.
“Restraining order”
Do you look at things from his side? Are you entertaining all this? If so, you are also definitely at fault for stringing him along.
Doing all he can do change for you, treating you like a princess, consistently.
No one wants to feel like they are a secret.
No one wants to feel like there are other men out there waiting to take his place.
It sounds like you have been the extremely inconsistent one here.
Does he also need to let go? Absolutely!
He sounds like he has unhealthy attachment issues.
This is coming from a woman.
Lol. Leave that desperate man alone. Seriously, if you just sticked to the truth Within yourself and had balls, he would stopped long time ago. But you’re a major pu*sy or leading him on, aware of that or not.
He is possessive and jealous. All that will do is grow over time and may lead to physical abuse. It is already abusive to be monitoring everything you do and who you can or cannot talk to.
Trust your gut. You broke up because you knew he was out of line and you knew he wasn’t the one. Stop wasting both your and his time. You’re both young and you will find someone who’s actually a fit.
Also be careful, because he sounds obsessed and that makes for stalker material. And if he sees you with another guy, who knows what he will do. So please be careful and have protective items, pepper spray, taser, defensive things. I know it can be hard to imagine people you know and care about to be like this, but that’s exactly the people who are statistically most likely to hurt you.
Good luck and stay strong, you know in your heart he isn’t the one and that’s okay. It will get easier with time. Stay safe girlie. <3
I think you’ve already touched on it, and that’s the fact that you have been stringing him along with bits of hope here and there when you know it’s not going to work. Although it can be frightening you need to do right by him and yourself and definitively cut things off.
Tell him your sorry for going on and off, but this time there is no getting together, and that ‘waiting’ for you will only waste his time and effort when he could find someone who will love him. Sometimes a hard rebuttal is what’s needed, as being delicate and thoughtful has only led to the situation you are in.
Possibly in future lead with hard No’s, and no carrot dangling. But at the end of the day it’s your life do what is right by you…hope it all works out
You gotta rip off those emotional Band-Aids and deal with the pain of finally cutting ties, it’s a messy, ugly process, but you’ll emerge stronger on the other side, scars and all.