Me (F21) and my boyfriend (M23) have been together for a year and I think it’s time for me to call it quits. I feel like i’m going crazy because I don’t know if it’s my low libido and us maybe being incompatible in that sense or if he’s actually being pushy and disregarding my boundaries.
I hate to say this and I feel like an absolute horrible person for saying this because I do love him, but recently I feel nothing but pure disgust and nausea whenever he touches me.
When we first got together
we were going at it maybe 5-6 times in one day and about 4 days a week. I got on ADHD meds and ever since my drive plummeted. He was completely understanding about it and said that it’s not about sex for him. And at first I believed him and he gave off that he could control himself but as soon as he touches me..game over.
A quick kiss led to him then undoing my bra and sucking my neck. I tried to push him off and told him to chill (I told him earlier I wasnt in the mood) but he was still going at it until I literally got up and left. He apologized and I told him he needs to calm down and I just tried to laugh it off.
He told me he values me and cares about me and doesn’t wanna push me to do anything I don’t want to do. But overtime this behavior continued.
(for context I was still sorta pushing myself to have sex with him twice a week when my libido was already shot. but clearly that still wasn’t enough)
Despite me telling him I just want to cuddle or that I don’t wanna do anything, he continues to make advances constantly. He took me out to dinner one night and after asked me if I was ready. I was confused and asked ready for what?He said sex and I said absolutely not, you know that today is a really off day for me(mind you I just put him to sleep with multiple rounds the day before). He proceeded to say “I just took you out to your favorite restaurant i’m trying here.” My heart was literally shattered and I felt horrible because I did appreciate him for taking me out, but it felt like his intentions weren’t pure at all.
Overtime I just gave in because I did feel bad about not being in the mood and I do want him to feel wanted and desired, but I feel like it made it worse. Later I told him that it feels like all he wants is sex and that when I say i’m not in the mood I mean it and stop. He proceeded to say that I wanted it though since we had sex and that I should’ve said no when in reality I DID SAY NO and I ended up trying to just shut him up and keep the peace by going with it.
I mean he would literally wake me up for sex and I tell him “no i’m tired” and push him off just for him to proceed and still try to open my legs. He wouldn’t stop feeling on me until I gave in or borderline cussed him out.
He now has actually given me space ever since I broke down crying last week when he was trying to go down on me. He did apologize but It shouldn’t take me having a breakdown for you to think “maybe I crossed the line.”
I feel like a complete idiot and this definitely feels self inflicted. My friend said that it’s just my low libido and that whenever her man wants it she gives it to him and that I should talk to a doctor because “that’s not normal” for women our age to not want to have sex. So idk i’m conflicted and feel like this is all my fault.
TL;DR:
My boyfriend keeps pushing for sex even when I say no, and I feel disgusted by his touch now. I’m starting to think this relationship isn’t right, but I’m also blaming myself because of my low libido after starting ADHD meds. I’m confused and conflicted.
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What your describing is SA, he’s forcing and coercing you
He’s sexually abusive. You will never desire sex with a man who treats it as transactional, or an expectation. Where’s the desire or passion if it feels like a chore? He repeatedly attempted to assault you, and coercing you is still sexual abuse too, it’s okay to call it what it is. This isn’t normal, it’s not okay. You aren’t an idiot, he just doesn’t have any respect for your boundaries, and for your own safety you should walk away.
Watch your libido improve when you’re with a guy who actually respects you, believe me. I thought I was asexual after multiple boyfriends like yours, turns out it’s not fucking fun if you don’t get a say in what happens with your own body.
He’s sexually assaulting and manipulating you, you have no reason to feel guilty about protecting yourself and leaving this loser.
He is assaulting you. He should have stopped every single time you said you didn’t want to.
Op you need to break up with him, like yesterday. He does not respect you and all you are to him is a freaking sex doll. Seriously, your sex drive isn’t the problem. He is. And the fact that you guys were doing it that many times a day 4 days a week tells me that it was only just about the sex. He might say that to you, but that’s just to placate you until he can force you into it. You are not an idiot, but you do need to leave him and I’m sure your drive will be fine once he’s gone.
The meds might be contributing to your sex drive, but I honestly feel that his behavior has a lot to do with it. Your body needs time to get used to the meds and it can take anywhere from 2 weeks to a couple of months. But either way, your bf doesn’t respect you and you really should break up with him because his behavior is unacceptable.
You guys have been together for a year and buy your own account the way that your relationship was you were having sex 5 to 6 times a day… To now never wanting to have sex.
Both things you described were pretty extreme . Two things need to happen, first you need to see your doctor because having zero libido after having a very active libido is probably not something you want to to live with the rest of your life, since you’re only in your 20s. They can adjust the dose or work with you with different meds.
Is your boyfriend out of line to push you? Sure, but I do want to point out that you set a standard in a relationship with a very high libido which he matched and when you went to 0 libido, you guys are no longer a match so the second thing you really need to do is to have a serious conversation about the fact that Until you figure out your MEDS you have no libido at all.
I think it’s unfair to expect a 20 year-old or 20 something partner to have no libido just because you don’t because of your medications . And I don’t think that makes him a bad person. Did stay together is gonna take a lot of communication and you figuring things out with your medical person who is prescribing your medication.
In the meantime, you need to be crystal clear that sex is off the table completely until you work out your Meds and if he can’t handle that, then he’s not being respectful and you cannot have a relationship with him.
break up IMMEDIATELY! you’re not an idiot, you’re being abused and don’t even realize it. i know firsthand what it’s like to be in your shoes and my heart goes out to you but you need to leave! it’s not going to get better i promise you that. someone who loves and respects you would respect your boundaries. you just wanna cuddle? “ok no problem babe. SIMPLE. he clearly doesn’t respect you and has no self control. choose yourself in this situation love.
What’s not normal is not you not wanting sex but him basically assaulting you.
Break up with him. Also your friend… Maybe assess that relationship as well?… I can’t imagine any of my friends at any point in our lives telling me to put up with that kind if nonsense.
You deserve better.
Definitely can relate , though when I’m on my meds I am usually too fixated on everything else to think about sex. While my partner has a pretty high libido so we have had to work on things. When we initially started dating I had an equally high libido . Communication is major and necessary for things to work , but he has never pushed me to the point that you are at. Which I think really shows what type of person you’re with. A difference in libido does not justify his behavior and the feeling of disgust makes total sense. I am going to say that a break up is very much the best option at this point. If your low libido bothers you then trying a lower dose , change of meds , or maybe do off days obviously only after having a conversation with your doctor .
I couldn’t even finish this post. This creature is a disgusting rapist. Please for the love of gods LEAVE. HIM. NOW.
My husband and I went camping on a beach one time. It was this place where the water was hip deep for like a mile out. It was all sand, there was no seaweed or coral or anything.
The water was blue, the sand was white, and it seemed perfect… Until you noticed that if you stood still for more than 5 minutes, starfish would come from all over to try and climb up your legs. No matter where you went, if you stood still, the starfish would arrive and start touching your feet. It was creepy AF.
Your boyfriend reminds me of these starfish. I call it “creeping rapism,” this belief that they can somehow worm their way into you when you’re not paying attention. It’s really gross. Personally, I wouldn’t put up with it, he’s pushing your boundaries all the time. You’re not an idiot, he’s just a creepy dude.