TL;DR:

I [21M] developed feelings for a girl [19F] who’s still healing from her past relationship. We met online and have been emotionally close for a few months. After our first in-person visit, she became distant and said she’s scared of not being able to love again or hurting me. I want to be there for her, but I feel emotionally drained. Looking for advice on how to support her without neglecting my own well-being.

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We’ve known each other for a six months. I (21M) met a girl (19F) through a TikTok trend where people were connecting with foreign friends. I’m fully Turkish, she’s half-German and half-Turkish, living in Turkey.

At first, we were just friends. She was still in contact with her ex-girlfriend at the time, so I didn’t cross any lines — I stayed around as someone supportive. Roughly a month later, she cut off contact with her ex, and that’s when we slowly started developing feelings for each other.

We were texting daily, FaceTiming regularly, and emotionally bonding. She was open from early on about having ADHD, dyslexia, and being bisexual. Later she also told me about her struggles with an eating disorder. None of this ever made me pull away. I genuinely cared, and wanted to support her.

Eventually, I traveled from Istanbul to her city to meet her in person for the first time. We held hands, ate together, talked and laughed. Everything felt real and beautiful. I cried on the way back because of how much the experience meant to me.

But after our meeting, she started reposting emotional TikToks, like:

• “How it felt when I labeled myself bi but hated every guy I talked to”
• “How my friends be acting after we broke up (love of my life)”
• And one about not being over an ex with a black heart emoji.

I ignored them for a while, but deep down it hurt. After about three weeks (yesterday), I told her how I felt — unwanted, like I was the only one trying, and that maybe she wasn’t fully healed yet. I said goodbye.

Later that night, she messaged me saying she was sorry for everything — for making me feel worthless and for pushing me away because she thought she didn’t deserve me. I called her immediately, we got on FaceTime, cried together, and she kept apologizing. She also said her mom told her she hadn’t treated me fairly.

She said she still feels the need for closure with her ex, but doesn’t have feelings for her anymore. She’s scared — scared she might not feel romantic love again, or that she might end up realizing she’s fully lesbian and hurt me even more.

I told her I didn’t want to lose her. That I could give her space if needed, and I wasn’t here to pressure her into anything.

She said she felt like she could only give me 1% of what I gave her, and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t angry. She said I’m one of the kindest and most caring people she’s ever met, but she’s unsure if she can offer what I deserve. She even said that if I visited again, she’d want to hug me and spend time together, but then might not be able to speak to me for weeks because of how hard it would be emotionally. She said she needs time to process and to talk to her mom before making any decision.

Right now, I feel stuck between being patient and supportive… and feeling completely emotionally drained. I don’t want to lose her — but I also don’t know how to keep giving so much when the emotional foundation is this unstable.

What I want:

I care about her and I don’t want to walk away, but I also want to protect my own emotional well-being. I’m looking for advice on how to support someone who’s still healing — while also not losing myself in the process. How can I approach this in a way that respects both her pace and my boundaries?