I am 23 years old and I am in my first ever adult relationship. We were friends for two years and oh it was perfect so we got together. I really love him and would jump into fire for him but….his body disgust me. Not that he is chubby or farts a lot but….his private areas. It was my first with him and it felt weird and I had anxiety after that. I stopped liking cuddles and kisses, feel anxious that he will want to sleep together today and stuff. I thought it was suppose to be a very special moment for woman but for me….its uncomfy and it feels wrong. I told him that since its my first real relationship, I need him to slow down and he is trying to be more gentle but…I feel anxiety just hugging him. Its summer now so when we are home, he walks around naked and seeing his groint area disgust me so much.
I want to ask if this is normal in first adult relationship? Did anyone felt the same? Maybe I just need to get used to the whole “sleeping together” thing?
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I think you expecting to much but if you don’t sort it it soon he will move on good luck
Are you sure you are sexually attracted to men? Or to anyone?
Look up asexual. Is that you?
Is he unsanitary? or are you just grossed out by penises? But to answer your question no being disgusted by your partner and feeling anxiety from a hug is not normal.
Do you live with him?
LOL
Because the idea that losing your virginity is a special moment is a social construct and not a biological reality. There are no fireworks or big shift into womanhood. It just happens and then that’s it.
It’s very normal to feel weird because you are experiencing a new level of intimacy for the first time. There is literally someone inside of you.
Yeah, I think it’s time to end it and think about what you want out of a relationship. He’s also way too old for you. The life experience gap from 22 to 30 is massive.
I would first ask him not to walk around naked. That’s definitely not helping your anxiety.
Definitely don’t tell him that his body “disgusts” you, but you can let him know you’re not entirely comfortable with nudity.
I guess my first question is.. are you physically attracted to your boyfriend when he’s clothed? You might to spend some time really thinking about whether or not you are. Not that typical male parts are particularly “hot”, but disgust is a very significant thing to feel about someone you’re dating. I wouldn’t say it’s typical.
My next question is if you have any unprocessed related trauma? Might be something to work out with a therapist.
A negative reaction this strong to the sexual organ you’re supposedly attracted to, especially when it belongs to your partner, is not normal at all.
The only explanation i can think of is that you’re not actually attracted to men, you might be asexual or a lesbian.
It’s weird that he walks around fully naked all the time… I like men, but I would not be into that at all. If I had to see that just casually swinging around all the time, I’d probably have a similar reaction to you. Especially if it was my first relationship, I can’t imagine how uncomfortable that must be.
It’s possible that you’re just not attracted to men, but I think the first step here is telling the man to put on some goddamn pants.
This reminds me of Erin and Gabe in the Office
There is an underlying reason as to why you feel disgusted. I’m assuming you lost your virginity to him? Was it not up to your imagination? Did you not enjoy it? Watch some porn, and see if you feel disgusted towards the male performers, seeing them naked, maybe you just realized you’re not attracted to men sexually. That’s how my sister figured out she’s gay. It might not be your case, but like I said, you need to ask yourself and reflect as to what is the underlying reason you feel this way. If you can’t figure it out on your own, then therapy may help.
It sounds like you may have not had the ability to explore and understand yourself sexually. I’m assuming conservative background?
You may be asexual.
I considered myself asexual till I was 18, because I’m a demisexual person who’s attracted to “interesting” people. No one is interesting till after high school.
I started working at a carnival and then the renn faire and suddenly I was attracted to 10 people at a time. Dated 3 at a time, slept with 5 at a time (everyone knew, we were happy degenerates). It was a light switch for me.
Does sex appeal to you at all? Do you enjoy it? Do you desire it, independent of him?
I suggest looking up the lesbian master doc. Literally type that into google, read it, and really ask yourself if you even like men. If women do not even sound like a viable option either, I would do some research into different types of sexualities. There is so many new vocabulary to help you label how you’re feeling. And you do not have to make snap decisions. It took me 5 years to realize I was in fact bisexual, not just gay or straight!
It’s difficult to give advice jf you can’t articulate what’s wrong other than it feels “weird.” What was your first time like? Do you feel it was a bad experience and now you’re feeling averse to more? Do you have a history of sexual trauma?
You’re describing a lot of anxiety, but it seems fixated on his penis, so I’d encourage you to think about your sexuality and consider if you might be a lesbian or asexual. Also do a search for “compulsory heterosexuality” and see if any of that resonates with you.
If you can’t think of anything that might be making you sex repulsed, you probably want to start asking yourself some deeper questions and maybe pursue some short-term counseling to get some support. If it really doesn’t seem that deep to you, you might just not be into him specifically.