Hi! I [22F] have a boyfriend [26M] who I love so much, like so much. We’ve been together for two years and things are really getting serious, we’re often imagining our future together. One thing about us is that we have amazing sex. It’s fun, varied and we communicate a lot. He is very experienced and I had only had a few brief sexual encounters before we met. When we started going out there was no plan of being more than just casual. So I saw it as a way of exploring to be with him. And I was young an stupid and the first time we had sex I wanted him to like it so I faked an orgasm pretty quickly. Then he kept going (oral) so I just faked another one. Then afterwards he asked me if I camp when I made those sounds and I just said that ”yeah I cum very easily and multiple times” because I didn’t want to admit my faking it. Anyway, the relationship became serious and now we really have an amazing love life. And he always says that it’s so important to him and that he doesn’t know of he’d been able to enter a relationship without such good sex. And I’m enjoying myself a lot, it’s just kind of a chore when I have to fake multiple orgasms every time we have sex. And since ”I cum so quickly” I never have an actual chance to cum. And it’s fine for now when I’m young and infatuated still. But I’m just imagining myself at 30 still having to fake orgasms and hating it to the point where I don’t want to have sex anymore. I really don’t think coming clean is an option. I’m in too deep and I think it would crush him honestly. What could I do?
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Tell him to keep going. Or you take charge.
Wean him off your fake orgasms if you don’t want to go cold turkey… stretch each time a little longer, he’ll not notice. Though the easiest option is to suggest something new… what you want and let him learn what you really like.
Have you considered trying a vibrator together?
Whoops!
I agree with what someone else said, go longer and longer without faking and then say something like oh it’s been harder to finish so can we try going for longer or whatever you need
Oof, that’s a tough one. I do think it would crush his soul, but the way you explained it made sense.. I mean it is possible to cum multiple times and back to back, but it usually takes a lot longer. What if you were to suggest that you want him to take it slower and drag out the orgasms so you could enjoy much more intense orgasms? You could ask him to stop so often so there’s more build up..and eventually..hopefully.. you can have a true orgasm. That’s all I can think of. When that happens I would mention that it felt different, more intense and pleasurable, and hopefully he’ll take more of a liking to that. Thoughts?
Won’t lie if you came outright with the I was faking it that would be a soul shattering admission for any man 😅 but like someone else said maybe ween him into longer stuff, find out what makes you tick and make him do that. You could always say with the amount of times you are doing it that your building up a tolerance of something, maybe not that but I’m spitballing at this point.
Hope you figure it out 😬
Unfortunately because you’ve faked it for so long, your bf has never really learned what you like. It sounds like he really cares about you and wouldn’t want this for you. What’s going to hurt his feelings is that you’ve been lying to him about how you’ve been experiencing your intimacy for the last two years.
If I were you, I would tell him. Or at least say you want to try something different and teach him how to please you. Like actually show him what you like.
The best time to be honest is right away, and the next best time is right away.
How can your sex life be amazing if you never actually orgasm? You can stop faking it without saying anything at all. Just have sex until you orgasm.
You have to communicate. But before that, you need to know exactly what gets you off. Sometimes, it’s so subtle, but you need to be able to clearly articulate it. It could be location or duration. Based on his current sexual abilities, can he potentially make you O with better direction? A good man will want to know how to bring you maximum pleasure. You don’t necessarily have to tell him you’ve been faking. Once you are able to clearly articulate what you really want, tell him to do that as well. Tell him that this will make your O more intense. Also, reciprocate it as well (within your sexual boundaries). Allow him to offer you some direction. Make it a fun game. If you get married, your sex life will change, so establishing sexual communication now is important.
I hate to say, but this is what lies on lies get you. My first gf faked her orgasms. It still has me fucked up 40 years later. In your case, you have to rip the band-aid off, tell him, and live with the consequences.
Never fake anything. If he’s a good guy, he will be open to learning and not take it as a personal affront to his manhood that he’s not good at everything. If he’s abusive, don’t tell him anything and just peace out. ✌🏼
If you can’t deal with the consequences of honesty in your relationship, you shouldn’t be in that relationship. When you get lied to about something because it “would crush you” to know, maybe you’ll understand why that’s a bullshit excuse for avoiding accountability. Does not work in long term relationships.
you need to be straight up, don’t fake them anymore, be honest. like, there’s no way i’d be in a long term relationship without that part. i’ve been married 11 years, together 14, communication is key! if it’s difficult, add toys, lube if you need it etc it’s a team effort. i’d be soooo irritated if i was faking it for 2 years lol idk how you cope!
Start a new birth control and then talk about how it’s been screwing with your hormones and body and it’s no longer easy to achieve orgasm. I’m sure he’ll put his all into getting you there…”again” lol
OK, if you don’t wanna have the conversation and flat out tell him that you have been faking, (which I would recommend you do because communication in a relationship lead to a better healthier relationship), you could tell him that you want to explore something like edging or orgasm denial. That way When it seems to take longer for you to orgasm, he doesn’t think it’s because he’s doing anything wrong and he thinks it’s part of play.
Do you know how to orgasm on your own, and can you introduce that into your routine?
Why not just try not faking. He may not say anything. Just switch positions until you feel like it’s working for you. You can be enthusiastic without faking. Making noises during sex doesn’t have to be just for the big o or dramatic. Talk make noises it lets your partner know they are going at right speed, depth, angel etc. He seems like a giver so you not faking quickly will actually probably extend the play instead of you faking so he goes ahead and finishes.
Would you like it if he lied to you for 2 years?
You’re in for it.
If you don’t talk and explain what you like and want, you won’t enjoy it… if you can’t talk, leave it.
Boil the frog go longer gradually. Then work
on finding out what makes you really cum. Generally relationship satisfaction, clitoral stimulation and unconventional actions can enhance orgasms.Maybe a vibrator would help you come. In addition to oral sex. Blindfolding, some roughness, different positions and locations can be a turn on depending on the person.
I’ve done this before!!! I got out of it by having him go back to back and eventually I actually did cum! Then slowly stop faking it and say idk I think I’m just getting older and it’s becoming more difficult to focus because of stress…
Saved my life
I hope you understand that this situation is 100% of your doing. He had no chance to “learn” you, as you faked fro the very beginning. The fact that you cannot cum now is result of your lie.
I’m not trying to be a dick here, I just hope that Reddit harpies won’t put some shit about him being a loser in your head, because he simply believes you and thinks he’s doing a great job.
As for getting out of that. It’s gonna be hard (no pun intended). I was once in a situation like this. For some reason, my ex faked orgasms. I spotted this early on, buy she convinced me it was all real, at some point she even got angry that “I don’t believe her”.
Well, I shut up then. If that’s what she says. And it’s not like I was egoistical in bed – I really loved giving and was open to know her better. But if she came easily from the very beginning… I must have been doing something right, right?
Years passed, relationship became bumpy. Sex was non existent. Which was understandable. After a few years she was just too tired of faking and I was too tired of sex that always seemed too “theatrical”.
Finally, we snapped and she finally admitted. I knew the truth deep down, but hearing this out in the open absolutely crushed me. Absolutely. All of our sex life was a lie. She didn’t seem to understand my anger after that, as she “didn’t have to have an orgasm to enjoy sex”, but it was so fucking egoistical, still. It wasn’t about that, it was about elaborate, UNNECESSARY lying.
I’ve never looked at her the same. She became asexual to me.
Moreover – it’s been 8 years since we broke up. With EVERY new partner I always have this fear, that they’re faking it. I have a good sex life now, I ultimately believe my current lovely woman, buy this shit stayed inside for good.
Why am I saying that? To let you know, that this shit castrates. Maybe I’m a one radical example, but I think most men would react badly. NOT AT THE FAKING PART alone, but rather the motivation to lie beneath it.
So, I wouldn’t just say it to him. Maybe he’d take it well and get over it, or maybe he’d think that this is fucked up (which it is z to some extent).
In your place, I’d told him that you got some problems with cumming recently, because of hormones or something, and try to encourage him to find new ways to make you come, as something changed in your body and you need new sensations. From there, slowly reinvent new sex life with you actually cumming.
But to get to that, you have to know your body well too and be able to make yourself cum. Masturbate and find what really turns you on. With that knowledge and a listening partner you’ll be able to have real orgasms soon, I think.
Good luck!