The good:
- We laugh together frequently
- He actually listens to me talk about my obsessions: I am autistic and have serious obsessions with music/musicians
- He is supportive of the fact that I don’t work: I am disabled, on disability, and want to essentially be your stereotypical homemaker
- He is loyal: no issues with him following women/talking to women/etc
The bad:
- He never speaks in my love language: even after numerous requests over a few months. His shows affection by making fun of me and tickling me, teasing me, that kind of thing. I show and feel love via words of affirmation. He never compliments me, or says kind things to me. I would like to stress that his making fun of me never feels abusive, it is always done in a joking tone and feels lighthearted. However, when I ask him to stop, he becomes upset (sad)
- He never follows through: if I ask for help with our pets, he says he will, and never does
- He does not comfort me in moments of anxiety/gets frustrated when I am anxious: I am agoraphobic and he has become my safe person, but when in public he will get upset if I say I cannot do something or if I am too scared to do something (again, due to mental health reasons that he is well aware of and that I warned him about in the very early days of our relationship)
- He is extremely careless with finances/we disagree on how to handle money: I have told him time and time again that I want to start an emergency fund and he just won’t do it because he doesn’t think it is necessary
- He never uses my right pronouns and always refers to me as his girlfriend: because his family/friends just “wouldn’t understand”
- We argue numerous times a week
The problem with leaving:
- I do not own a car
- Our finances are joint
- I have no family in this state
- The family I do have will not accept me as a visitor/allow me to crash for awhile
- I only make $1,200/month via disability, and am unable to work a job due to being disabled
- Whether we aren’t a good fit or not, whether I think he may be a bit toxic or even abusive during arguments, I still love him and am afraid to leave.
TLDR: My partner and I aren’t compatible, he’s a little “toxic”, but I love him and don’t know how to proceed. I’ve been trying to fix things for months and he won’t make a noticeable effort.