My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) have been together for about a year and a half. Overall, he’s an incredibly attractive, smart, social, and funny person. The first few months of our relationship were a dream, and I fell for him hard enough that I was willing to overlook traits of his I would usually avoid in a partner.
Without airing out his business too much, about six months ago he confessed to me that he realized that he had a porn addiction. Upon realizing this, he immediately started therapy. I am very proud of the work he is doing for himself, and don’t want anyone reading this to judge him for his issue. However, many of the details reignited many of my insecurities and body image issues that I haven’t really felt since high school. I have literally never been a jealous person before in my life, and now I feel it all the time. I hate comparing myself to others, and I hate feeling jealousy instead of admiration and positive feelings towards other women. It also made me feel very unloved, and insecure about how much he cared about me. Porn is a very serious boundary for me, but because he is going to therapy, I promised that I would stick with him and try to make a relationship work still.
However, outside of this specific problem, other things he has done have started to bother me. I have taken all of the initiative in our relationship (I kissed him first, asked him out, planned our entire anniversary, etc.). I make him homemade gifts for every holiday, whereas he confessed that he “didn’t really want to get me a Valentine’s Day gift” (about a month out from our initial conversations about his porn habits). He has another girl on his lock screen and profile pictures for all of his social media accounts. When I got into a university with a <5% acceptance rate recently, he was unenthusiastic. When we hang out, I am driving or taking the train to see him 95% of the time, and we split any food we buy 50/50. He confesses to zoning out while I'm talking and doesn't care about many of my interests. All of these things don't feel break-up-worthy, but in combination I feel very unappreciated.
In the past, I’ve mentioned things that I would like him to do that would make me feel more appreciated, and he hasn’t really done any of them. Asking for them directly makes it less special, in my opinion. I want someone who shows that he cares about me, especially when staying in our relationship is hurting my self-esteem. I want to lose the jealousy and self-esteem issues before school starts in September, so I can get the most out of my program. Should I end it here? Or has he not done anything serious enough to warrant a breaking it off and I should keep pushing through? Any other advice on dealing with a situation like this? Thanks 🙂
tl;dr: seeking advice on whether staying in a relationship that is hurting my self-esteem is worth it