(Reposting because my original post was missing some context and I still need advice.)
A week ago, my boyfriend and I had a disagreement at home. It wasn’t a big fight — just a private conversation that got a little heated. The window in our bedroom was open. My boyfriend’s brother lives in the same apartment complex, and his mom was visiting him that day (she doesn’t live in the area).
She apparently overheard our disagreement and decided to come over. My friend was also supposed to be visiting, so when I heard a knock, I assumed it was my friend. My boyfriend answered the door, and it was his mom. She immediately started asking “what’s going on” and “what’s wrong.” My boyfriend told her several times to leave and said it wasn’t her business. She ignored him and stayed at the door.
I came out of the bedroom and told her I could say what I wanted in my own home. She responded by calling me a bitch and threatening to fight me, and that she would “beat my ass.” Up until this moment, she had never said anything negative to me or hinted that she had a problem with me. Her reaction was completely disproportionate to the situation and felt like it came out of nowhere. I am 22, she is 40. She reacted this way after hearing a single sentence I said to her. She had never expressed any issues with me before, so her behavior was completely out of the blue. Which is why i’m confused. My boyfriend stood between us in the doorway while she continued yelling. She still wouldn’t leave, even after her son told her to multiple times.
Eventually, she was removed from our doorway. At that point, I decided to call the police because she was escalating and had already threatened me.
While I was waiting, I asked her what her problem was, hoping for an explanation, but she just repeated that she would fight me. My boyfriend’s older brother’s girlfriend then got involved, making comments and trying to provoke me further.
The police came, spoke to me, and told me she had no right to show up, insert herself into our argument, or threaten me. They called her a “helicopter mom.” Since she didn’t physically touch me, the most I could do was file a report and contact them if it happens again.
Since then, my boyfriend’s mom has been texting him saying she “hates” me and twisting the story to say that I started it. My boyfriend has told her directly that she was the one who called me a bitch first, tried to physically harm me, and that he defended me both in person and in messages.
I’m concerned about future interactions with her. I don’t feel safe having her at our home again, and my boyfriend agrees. I’m fine going no contact, but for him it’s harder. She’s ignoring his boundaries and keeps being disrespectful despite him making himself clear.
TL;DR: My boyfriend’s mom overheard part of a disagreement, came over uninvited, refused to leave, called me names, threatened to fight me, and only left when removed. I called the police, and now she is texting my boyfriend claiming she hates me and stirring up more drama.
Comments
This post is marked “Serious Replies Only.” Comments that encourage vengeance or escalation will be removed.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I’m botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
^(To be notified as soon as Different-Cherry7072 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Different-Cherry7072 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) ^(click here.)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
Well, apparently the moderators banned all the advice that seems obvious and reasonable to give you, so…talk with her constructively and reach a mutually beneficial compromise!
I think that you need to tread carefully, let this play out, and keep your eyes open. Your BF seems ok with keeping her out of your shared space. Given her aggression toward you, that seems like a reasonable request on your part. Keep an eye out for him requesting that you soften this boundary.
Communication is key as you progress. If you potentially see him as long-term, where does he see his mom’s role? Is he ok with a half ass apology then expecting you to rug sweep? Is he ok with you and future children maintaining NC? What do you ultimately want? None of this needs to be addressed right this minute. But you may want to get clarity before you make permanent commitments.
Did you seriously take out all of the parts you were responsible for and then repost this? You already told the entire story of how you were just as guilty and everyone told you so. Now you’re posting an edited version hoping to appear as the victim? This post should be deleted.