My boyfriend (23M) and I (22F) have been in a relationship for two years. We used to be a really fun couple — we supported each other a lot and genuinely enjoyed spending time together. Though we had occasional fights (especially during college), we always managed to work through them.
He’s someone who tends to avoid conflict. During arguments, he shuts down or ignores me until he calms down. I’m the opposite — I need to talk things through and clear the air.
A few days ago, we had a big fight. He said something hurtful, and I got upset and didn’t talk to him for a day. Later, I felt bad and messaged him — but something had changed. He told me things like, “I don’t think we have a future,” and “You’re dating the wrong guy. It’s better to end this before it becomes more difficult.” He had never said anything like that before.
I asked him to give us one more chance, and after some time, he agreed. But ever since then, things have felt different. His messages seem distant, like there’s less warmth, excitement, or effort in them. He says he’s busy or that he behaves this way when he’s home — and while that’s partially true, the emotional tone now feels colder than ever before.
I’ve asked him if he’s still interested in this relationship or if I should stop trying. His response is always something like, “You’re overthinking. I’ve moved on from that fight, you should too. I haven’t changed — this is how I’ve always talked. You’re just noticing it now.”
To be fair, he’s not entirely wrong — he still responds, still talks to me in his own way. But I can’t shake this feeling of disconnection. Maybe I’m overanalyzing the lack of emojis or the short replies — I know that sounds silly — but it’s affecting how secure I feel.
I love him deeply and don’t want to lose him. But I feel stuck, constantly wondering whether I ruined everything with that one argument. How do I stop feeling like something’s off? Am I imagining it, or is there something I need to acknowledge and act on?
TL;DR:
I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for two years. After a recent fight where I didn’t talk to him for a day, he said he didn’t see a future with me — but later agreed to try again. Since then, he feels emotionally distant. He insists nothing has changed, but my gut says otherwise. Am I overthinking, or is this a sign the relationship isn’t the same anymore?
Comments
It’s not just in your head, your gut is picking up on real emotional distance. After that fight, something shifted in how he relates
You’re not imagining things, when something changes, you feel it. If your intuition tells you
Question. The thing he said that was hurtful. Was it hurtful cause it was mean or was it hurtful cause it was true and you didn’t want to hear it?
He checked out. His advice was sound.
I obviously don’t know him but it sounds like he wants a partner who sweeps everything under the rug and doesn’t communicate. If he has openly said that he doesn’t think you have a future then I would end things and start your healing journey.