Hi guys. I know this title might sound harsh or childish but please read further before judging. For context we have been together for 2 years. I am also not an English speaker so please bear with me.
I have very strong opinions on certain things in my life, morals, religion, cheating etc. Which I am sometimes very open about given the appropriate context. It doesn’t affect my relationships per se but they are factors which I consider when entering a relationship (as an atheist I would not date a religious person for example).
One of these things is the topic of hookup culture, situationships, and specifically people who do not use condoms when hooking up with random people. PERSONALLY, I think that all three are very stupid and when looking for a relationship would be a dealbreaker for me. I.e if that person was sleeping with so many people before me or not using condoms with random women they met on nights out. I think that it shows a kind of irresponsibility that I don’t want in my personal life and I would likely think less of the person and cut them out of my life. I would never say “you are less than me” or anything like that.
When I met my boyfriend I knew that he had been with a few women but nothing in the context of what would be a dealbreaker for me. We have had some casual conversations about our past lives and all has been well.
However, there have been a few occasions where he would be talking to my friends and I and we would be having conversations about these topics- out of the blue he would become quiet or not engaged in the conversations.
Earlier tonight we were talking about hookups with randoms and not using protection with randoms and my boyfriend went quiet. Eventually he said in an angry tone “I’m going to bed, goodnight” and left our call. I asked him why he left like that and he said it was because he felt/was attacked and that we were talking about him. I asked why but the conversation got nowhere. I explained something to him
“… if you were doing that I would have to give up my opinions and morals to be with you. I would be forced to accept something I am not okay with. I will not force someone to be okay with my opinion and I expect the opposite from others”
I will admit here that his past as it is does disgust me a bit, but I would never say that to him or even imply it. It makes me think that there is more to it than what he has told me considering he is extremely offended by the topic. Am I being paranoid about his authenticity and honesty regarding his past? Or should this be a genuine concern?
TL;DR
Boyfriend is overly offended by conversation topics against promiscuity which makes me think he is hiding his true past. Should I be concerned?
Comments
It seems he doesn’t agree with your opinion. You need to decide if this is a deal breaker for your relationship or not.
I mean he’s basically outright said at this point that he slept with people unprotected that he didn’t know well. If that’s a dealbreaker for you– break it off.
Though many people do things when they’re young. I think it’s possible to accept things we don’t like as long as they are in the past. If he has an STI or openly lied to you about his past, that affects your current relationship and wellbeing. If he has one or two youthful indiscretions and is healthy– do you need to break up? How firm is your line?
You just have to communicate.