I’m looking for some advice.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He loves me so much and wants to marry me, and I love him deeply too — it’s always been my dream to marry someone I love. But lately, there are a few things that feel off. Sometimes I wonder if I’m making a mistake or lowering my standards. And maybe he feels the same — I’m not sure.
Here are the things that bother me: 1.Whenever we fight, he starts cussing and calling me names.
2.He never takes pictures of me. I know some boyfriends aren’t into photography, and that’s fair — but in my case, I’ve told him many times that it matters to me. I’ve asked him to take pictures or record small moments, not just of me, but us. He never does.
3.He doesn’t always respect my opinions. Sometimes, I feel like there’s a subtle competition between us instead of support.
4.On my last birthday, he didn’t even give me a gift. I understand money can be tight sometimes, and I don’t expect anything fancy (he earns) — my dad pampers me a lot and gives me everything I need, so maybe that’s why I have expectations. But I didn’t want something expensive — just flowers would’ve meant a lot. I celebrate him, so I just wish he celebrated me a little too.and
5.I want small gestures — a flower, a note, anything. Am I expecting too much?
6.We’ve had sex just 3 times in 3 years. But we do enjoy our fun moments, and those times are genuinely great.
7.He never liked me having male friends, and I respected that. In all 4 years of college, I never had any male friends — even though we were in the same college.
My issue is simple: I feel a lack of affirmation, acts of service, and respect.
He’s called me horrible names in the past, including “sl*t.” Sometimes during fights, he says very hurtful things. He never really celebrates me. I’ve never felt seen by him. But he always wants to go out with me and spend quality time, which I genuinely enjoy. And he’s extremely loyal — no contact with any girls or anything shady. That’s one of the best things about him.
But he’s made me feel insecure so many times. During fights, when I get emotional or throw a tantrum, he doesn’t comfort me — he never sends long texts to say sorry, never calls to express how much he loves me. I guess he’s not expressive, so I give him the benefit of the doubt.
Still, in fights, he tells me to go look in the mirror, or says I could do better, then the next day, he acts like nothing happened and tries to fix things. Honestly, I do give him credit — he has saved our relationship many times. But I also feel like I’m too easy to convince. We’re both deeply attached. Three years is a long time. We’ve made such good memories together. I know he loves me, and I love him too.
But yesterday, I told him everything and broke up.We’ve never stayed away from each other for more than a day, so this is hard.Now that we’ve graduated, I’m moving to a different city for my studies, and he’s staying back. A long-distance relationship is going to be tough — especially since he doesn’t trust me. He always wants to know where I am, even though I’m a homebody and mostly go out only with family or with him. He has all my passwords. I’m not hiding anything.
He’s truly a sweet boy, and I know he really loves me — it shows in so many ways. I love him too, deeply. But honestly, I feel like maybe it’s better for both of us to break up and take some time to be single — to grow individually and focus on becoming the best versions of ourselves.
I truly believe that growth is important — for him and for me. We both have dreams and goals, and maybe this space will help us achieve them without distractions or emotional weight. And who knows, if destiny has its way, maybe we’ll find our way back to each other someday.
For now, I just hope he continues to grow into a great man and becomes the kind of partner he’s truly capable of being. And I’ll focus on becoming the woman I want to be too.
So, what should I do?
Will I ever find someone who’s loyal like him? Or am I just too easy? Do I not deserve to be treated like I’m special — to be given that “princess treatment”?
I don’t know. I have so much self-doubt.
Should I leave this relationship?
Or should I talk to him and give it one last chance and start as fresh?
I’ve already talked to him so many times, and told him what hurts me. I know I’m not perfect — but when I love someone, I want to be pampered and cared for. Even when I push him away during fights, I hope he’d come back with respect and tell me how much he loves me — not by yelling or insulting me, but by reassuring me. I want someone who has eyes only for me, someone who adores me. I want to feel safe.
And yes, I’m willing to change too. For him, for us. But respect comes from the heart — and love and respect are not the same.
TL;DR:
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We love each other, but there’s been disrespect, lack of effort, and emotional hurt. He’s loyal, but not expressive or supportive in ways I need. I broke up with him recently because I feel we need time to grow individually, but I’m confused — am I expecting too much? Should I give him one last chance or move on?