We have been dating for more than 8months now. I love her so much. I have done everything I can to keep her happy. Even she has done so much for me that no one would ever do, she’s so selfless, kind , loving, and warm. I have done things for her that I did not know I could for anyone. I feel love for the first time in my life. She brings so much positivity in my life I feel so calm and settled she’s everything I prayed for.
But the constant need for reassurance, the constant arguments and fights, the constant need for showing her love instead of her just observing my actions drains me out. Why is it so hard. I come back from work, and I feel like I have another task ready. We barely laugh and enjoy, it’s just reassurance and reassurance. I am so tired. I want to be alone, I want to have my own space. But I love her too much to let her go. It’s some weird toxic cycle. If I tell this to her, it will become another episode of reassurance and how I don’t mean it fully and how she’s actually loving and I love her and blah blah blah. I m so tired. The concept of giving space is unknown.
I don’t wanna break up. But how do I convince her to please give me some space, and please please please not have me convince her everyday for hours that I love her. I won’t be able to take it for too long.
TL;DR I want to be happy and have a good relationship and want to break this toxic cycle. What do I do.
Comments
You’re 22. I dated a woman later in my life similar to your gf and at the time i thought i was the one messing up. After therapy i found out she had what is called, anxious attachment. Given she is young, she might not be receptive to it, but she needs professional help. If she can do that, then you might have a chance.
Otherwise, what you’re experiencing, will only get worse and worse. Believe me, it will have an impact in your own personal life and it might impact the work you do. At 22, you cannot live that way. And if you don’t know to approach her about her anxious attachment, maybe ask AI to help you get into that conversation, but believe me, if she is not open to that, get yourself ready to break up!
Are you showing love in a way that’s obvious to her? They say you’re only as needy as your most unmet need. A lot of dudes tend to show/recognize care through acts of service, but it’s common for women to show/recognize care through the other “love languages,” like words of affirmation or quality time. Odds are decent that she’s asking for all of that reassurance because she genuinely doesn’t see how much you love her and she really does feel unappreciated. It just sounds like something isn’t translating here, and it could be helpful to readjust your approach. Just trying the same ineffective things over and over again will just leave you feeling like this, burnt out and exhausted, without actually changing anything. It’s time to reassess how you are showing up for her and to try something different