I (22M) have been dating my gf (22F) for around 1 year and 2 months now. Her birthday is coming up and I didnt really think of buying anything because I am not really the kind of person that celebrates birthdays. However, I wanted to buy her a gift as she had bought me an expensive watch for my own birthday earlier this year. The thing is, I am not financially secure and I dont really buy expensive stuff, not for me or anyone else. Just now, I bought her a headphone that she had always wanted. It cost me 200$ which is a lot (to me at least)
In fact, I am actually paying the headphones in installment as I dont have the cash on me right now. The question I have is; Is this shitty feeling normal or am just a stingy person?
I appreciate my gf, she has been kind, generous and patient with me… so why am I feeling this way when I bought her this gift in order to celebrate her birthday?
Update: My gf called me because she saw my purchase (She has my account on a lot of things LMAO) and asked whether I have the money to even pay it (in a worried tone). I told her what I said here and she giggled and said that she could pay half and thanked me for the effort and the thought!
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It sounds more like buyers regret since you can’t really afford the gift.
You have no money, it’s a honest reaction and feeling when you buy something you know is outside your current budget, it’s called being frugal not stingy. It’s also good that you had a desire to buy her something that she really wanted as well. I dated a woman that I out earned by a large margin and we had “the money talk” early on because what I thought was trivial she saw as a mountain, we had to find a “middle ground” on expenses to keep both sides feeling good about it.
You’re 22 years old, you’re not meant to be financially stable at this point. People your age are typically in school, or at best, just starting the early days of their career.
It’s great that she got you an expensive watch and you want to return the favor. But if this is something she can do every year, and plans to do, just have a talk with her. Tell her you really appreciate how thoughtful she is and you want to return the favor, but finically you guys are too young to be doing this every year. Give yourselves time to become more financially independent before buying expensive gifts.
You have buyers regret because you bought something you couldn’t afford.
It’s great you wants to do something sweet, but in the future do something in your price range. 9 times out of 10 what people want is effort, not cost. You could do something inexpensive but thoughtful, makes something, etc
You’re stingy. YOU don’t celebrate birthdays, she does. It comes around ONCE a year, and if you are THAT hard up. Go donate plasma and pay it off faster, bonus is it is helping build your credit
Buyer’s regret, it’s not uncommon.
Also: I didnt really think of buying anything because I am not really the kind of person that celebrates birthdays
You don’t believe in celebrating other people’s birthday?
You bought something you could not afford. There’s a whole lot of space between no gift/celebration and too expensive- find it
I like celebrating bdays and holidays and I like gift giving. My boyfriend doesn’t. So we decided to not do gifts for each other and spend money on trips together instead. I’ll still buy him some gifts sometimes because I enjoy it and we’ve talked about it so we both understand. He will do cute things back but in different ways. For example he loves valentines day so has done super cute surprises like I came home to rose peddles and flowers and a giant card and some chocolates and he got dinner stuff to make dinner. Another year we were leaving for the airport super early and he hung foil hearts in the car and put flowers and all my favorite treats for the plane ride.
So he obviously didn’t spend a lot but the gesture and thought to me goes beyond any gift he could buy. I don’t do surprises like this but I’ll do thoughtful gifts. Everyone is different. Just talk to her! Say you really wanted to get her something nice for her birthday and you were excited to get her headphones but you think in the future you’d like to do more simple things that don’t cost too much. Just because of your financial situation. I’m sure she will understand. You could also make a budget agreement. Like don’t spend over…, just so you don’t feel bad.
Ok, you should celebrate your girlfriend’s birthday because while you don’t think birthdays are a big deal, she does. However, you need to do it in a way you can afford. Don’t spend more than you can afford. A gift doesn’t have to be expensive. It only has to be heartfelt. It also doesn’t have to be something you wrap. It can also be an experience.
A lot of people in here have said you aren’t financially stable, and that this is buyer’s remorse mainly because you didn’t have the money in the first place. I agree entirely, and it seems like that point has been pounded into the ground pretty good.
I’d like to add that like most money issues, this is just a symptom of a larger problem. In this case, the problem might be your relationship as a whole and the dynamics in that. To me, it sounds like you were almost pressured into giving this based on what she gave to you. This indicates to me that in the relationship, money might come up a lot.
What to do: In the future, give what you want to. Importantly, this means you don’t have to give even what you can. To reiterate, make sure you’re comfortable with it. I’d consider making her a gift without using a ton of money. If she’s truly a good girlfriend, she’ll arguably like that more than just some random thing she wants because it’s from you and there’s more thought behind it (friends and parents tell me this works). Also have a good conversation with her about money struggles. If you do these two things, and there’s still this kind of pressure to give monetary gifts or nice things, then she might not really be after you as a person, and that’s not a healthy relationship.
I could be totally wrong about this, but I’ve seen something like this go this way many times before
>Her birthday is coming up and I didnt really think of buying anything because I am not really the kind of person that celebrates birthdays.
Well… this is a stingy, bad attitude that isn’t going to get you very far in relationships. But there’s a vast middle ground between “I don’t celebrate birthdays” and buying your girlfriend something you can’t afford.
No one said you needed to buy something expensive. Your first mistake was assuming not to celebrate someone’s birthday just because that’s not your “thing.” Glad to see you decided to follow through with celebrating your girlfriend’s birthday anyway. You just need to pay attention to what she likes and surprise her. Food, candy, stuffed animal, card, something fun maybe like plan a picnic and Starbucks? Women like when you make an effort and pay attention to them. They also like honesty and communication. You’re a grown man and she’s a grown woman. Now is not the time to be treating dating like it’s high school
Bro, you’re not stingy you’re broke.
Nope, not an issue! I got my wife a new phone since she’s been really needing one (like 5-6 years with her previous). I couldn’t justify making a $1k purchase outright, but with financing, it makes it much more open and an option for me to get her something a bit more expensive while just having a monthly $30 bill for a while
So long as you’re smart and make sure to do the payments on time, there is nothing wrong with financing expensive purchases
It’s never about the money and always about the thought behind it. For instance, my bf and I are hella poor right now. Like moving in with his parents soon type of poor so we truly have no money. I love moons and stars and artsy things so my bf spent the night before my birthday making a bunch of origami. A couple moons, hearts with sweet little messages in it, a whole bunch of them. It made my heart melt so much I bursted into tears. It’s by far the best gift I’ve ever received. Was made purely with love and with me in mind. Making my favourite things and writing sweet messages telling me how he feels and how much he loves me. For real just thinking of it now I’m getting so emotional. Thought means so much more.