So over the summer I (22M) met a pretty, sweet girl (19F), and we clicked right away. We spent so much time together over the summer, spending nights at each other’s places and going on mini trips. She started talking about marriage really quick, and she really fell for me. Like really bad. I fell in love with her too, but I couldn’t believe that someone could love me as much as she did.
In October, I had to go to university, and my university is not in the US, where she studies, so we did long distance for 4 months while I was away, and things were still going fine. However, I was getting more and more stressed about school and getting a job after school (I graduate next August). I sort of blamed her, I didn’t tell her that, but I felt that if she wasn’t around, I’d have so much more free time.
I came home and surprised her in February, and we spent two long weeks together, and it was so fun and nice to be with her. After I left though, I remembered all my stresses, and even though just a month or so ago I was also considering marriage with her, the stress got to me really bad, and I made the decision to break up with her. She was completely devastated and begged me not to leave.
I felt so bad and really couldn’t bear to see the pain she was in. I also felt pain though, I still loved her. Well, fast forward to two weeks ago, I was missing her, and she texted me, and we started talking about our days and it felt so nice and just like it was before. So, I suggested we get back together, and she was sooooo happy. She’s obviously mad at me for breaking up, but still, she sends me love texts constantly and just shows me so much love and is already talking about marriage again. I could see how she went from depressed and heartbroken to overjoyed literally instantly.
I feel her happiness is almost completely dependent on what I do. Well anyway, now that we have been together again two more weeks, I am remembering all the reasons I broke up with her in the first place, and I really don’t think I can manage to have a relationship at this point in my life. I am notoriously indecisive though, and may change my mind again later. But I’m not even sure I love her anymore, I’m not usually excited to talk to her, and I’m not as attracted to her as before. I feel like I have to break up with her.
I just know it’s going to completely destroy her world, and probably be far worse than even the last breakup. All her friends told her not to get back together with me, and I guess they were right. I know I have to break up with her, I don’t see us staying together long term. I mean a part of me does, I mean were a perfect match and have great chemistry, but I just don’t feel excited around her anymore, and I don’t have the time or energy for a girlfriend right now. I really don’t know what I should do. If I break up with her, she’s gonna think I’m just playing with her feelings, and she’ll be absolutely devastated I already know, I really don’t know how to do this. Can anyone give on advice on what to do here?
TLDR: I dated a girl over the summer, became long distance in October, went good but didn’t see her until February, everything was still great but I was stressed with school, broke up with her, two weeks ago started missing her, got back together, want to break up again now