I’ve been with my boyfriend for quite some time now and everything was great at the start, we have both gone through some really difficult things together and we have gained strength in that aspect. I just feel trapped within this relationship, however, and here’s why.
My boyfriend is very prone to speaking out online about people he does not like, exes doing him wrong, and he’s even come across 90% of my family members if he doesn’t agree with something they’ve done or if they’ve done something to possibly “make me upset or hurt me” in his mind, he starts to contact them very rudely and make them feel like they’re awful.
He has told me numerous times about his exes and how they’ve been awful towards him, but two days ago, he unblocked one of his “horrible exes” that did all these things to him that he told me about, and they’re talking again regularly and talking about how they’ve missed talking, missed annoying each other, etc.
There has been quite a few times in our relationship where I have questioned if I’m really going to have a good life with him moving forward. He has said things to me that have really hurt like how he thinks my singing sounds like a dying cat, and since then I haven’t sung around him. He has also not stopped when I tell him to stop doing things that bother me, he never wants to do much with me, and he just says things that really bother me such as “i didn’t know your brain actually works, i didn’t know there was thoughts in there, i just thought you were dumb, etc.” but the people pleaser in me never brings it up because I worry about everyone else before myself.
He calls my parents mom and dad and has done so from the get go and I don’t find that to be appropriate, and not to mention he has said early on until or relationship how he wants to get engaged and live with me, even going as far as to say he could transfer his work to my town and move in with me and we weren’t even dating that long. He also expects us to drop everything and gets upset with us if we won’t drop everything to go pick him up because he doesn’t have transportation to come see me whenever he wants.
He has said to me before too that he has had intrusive thoughts about r*ping me, and that has never left my mind but stupidly I stayed with him because as someone who has intrusive thoughts, I understand that they can be very unwanted and not like you, but telling me that was a very scary thing to think about.
He also told me after our first few kisses that i tasted and reminded him of his father who did awful things to him and blamed it on his brain trying to trick him.
He also has told me from the start he has been both diagnosed with adhd and autism, but later through the relationship he revealed to me he wasn’t diagnosed with either, and that left a bad taste in my mouth as well as he has used it as an excuse for being very direct, blunt, and oftentimes very rude/mean to the people around me.
We also don’t go on any dates, never, he just comes over, stays in my room, lays around, and expects to have sex quite a lot of the time we are together, and lately I just haven’t even been getting satisfied with that, nor have I really ever because he complains into it that he’s tired or has a cramp or whatever, but I always make sure he is taking care of and such.
I just feel really stuck personally because I worry deep down that if we ever split up he would go and share all of my business to his social media’s (he’s done stuff like this before such as sharing our sex life on his socials without my consent) and my family has even said they are worried to death about me and my safety. I know realistically he doesn’t have much he could say about me that would cause significant damage, but i’m thinking about the mental damage that he could bring to me and/or my family because of how he is with his online presence and how he is as a person.
I’m just really not sure what to do and I’m looking for any advice that people may have. I’m not a person who has a whole lot of friends other than my close cousin, which makes me feel even more alone in this situation. I’m unsure if this is going to be a hard decision, but my wellbeing and safety need to be considered and I’m tired of pushing that to the bottom for everyone else.
tl;dr: my boyfriend has been showing a lot of red flags since the beginning and more so into the relationship, however we’ve been through a lot together and he was there for me at my lowest, and we’ve been together nearly a year but i’m concerned i need to make a hard decision and im scared.