All my issues that I’m about to describe come from one stupid decision I made, which was to go from dating one girl to another within a month. I finally got out of a three year long toxic relationship and wanted to casually date and fool around, downloaded dating apps was ready to start clubbing and partying more. My girlfriend was only the second girl I met during this time and we went on the best date that I’d ever been on, she was gorgeous and sweet I decided I’d focus on spending time with her. I was graduating and figured I’d be moving literally across the country by the time I found a job in a few months so in my mind I was just entering a little college situationship right at the end.
When I matched with this girl I thought our intentions were aligned for the record, our first conversation was more about future bedroom promises than planning a super romantic date, but as she puts it that was just a moment of weakness she was straight up keeping herself celibate till her next relationship. So it turned out this was very much not gonna end up being what I was looking for and I probably should’ve jumped ship here, explained my situation to her, and stayed friends or cordial maybe until later when I was in a better spot and ready to date for real. Instead I acted like a 23 year old dumbass and told myself what’s the harm it’ll end organically with no hard feelings in a couple months and I enjoy my dates with her, sure let’s bite the bullet.
Things actually started pretty great, I didn’t really have any second doubts till about two things happened, I actually ended up getting my only job offer in the same state which I didn’t anticipate, and two for some reason my girlfriend began oversharing about her previous sex life before me (this is its own seperate ick). Essentially I realized the relationship I was in no longer had that organic stopping point or natural reason to not continue, and on top of that my girlfriend was telling me about how she used the time after her own last break up to get laid a bunch, and it made me start thinking, “damn I might have passed up ever doing something similar to be with you wihout meaning to”.
We’ve only been together still less than half a year and I feel like it’s a weird spot, this isn’t a case of greener grass to me becasue it’s more like I intended just strolling through this garden but now that I’m in it it’s like oh wow it’s as green as green could be. The relationship has run it’s premade course I made in my head and is now exceeding it but I’ve got no reason to break it off other than what FOMO, envy, a young horny desire to play more of the field because it’s what people my age do, even I can recognize that that’s stupid. Like I said in the post title I feel trapped but it’s because despite those voices in my head I love everything about this girl there isn’t a second I spend with her I don’t enjoy, trapped makes it sound bad but it’s more like being too sunken into a cozy mattress and not having any deisre to roll over and get up. Honeslty the only solid foundational reason I can come up with at all to go is for her sake so she doesn’t date a dude who has these doubts or thoughts, I kinda always wish I met her later, got everything out of my system and focused on myself being single for real instead of jumping from one serious relationship to another with no break.
But you can’t change the past or get back lost time wondering if literally anyone else has been in a similar situation, how they handled it, and what the solution ended up being. Was it therapy, breaking it off, taking a temporary break, I’m trying to figure this out before I continue in a relationship with someone I actually like harboring resentment from irrational insecurities.
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So, let me just say that “playing the field” is mostly guys giving an extremely filtered as hell, creative writing “letters to penthouse” version of events. You talk to escorts and call girls on confessionals and they’ll give you the real low down.
I got divorced and met someone within 6 weeks of separation. It wasn’t supposed to be serious, it just happened. I get where you are coming from.
In the long run, if the girl you are with is good, giving, game and willing to commit all-in on taking the responsibility of being your one and only lover for the rest of your days with an immense amount of respect and full-faith, down to her bones effort to be the most creative, passionate lover and willing to push both you and her to the edges of your mind and body… You hold onto that girl for everything in your dear life my brother.
Hardcore monogamy is your answer – if she’s willing to go after 41 different kinks, to play with you, to keep things fun, playful, sensual, erotic, and kinky – that’s everything in the world you could possibly ask for. You thank whatever power in the universe that you were blessed enough to find and have this person in your life.
You recognize that what you have at home is so damn precious and amazing, that she knows your soul, that you can be 100% vulnerable and connect with her. That you can have out of body, “I have to recalculate the level of pleasure possible in the universe” levels of orgasms with her that are so hot you want to wank one out just to the memory of it 3 days later.
Finding some other physical person is not going to make that better by any means.
I think you’re just gonna have to rip the band-aid off. You don’t wanna be with her? Fine. You don’t need a reason.