Throwaway account. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, (known eachother for 9) and live together. I’ve never ever had a feeling to look in his phone or snoop. We’ve only ever had one instance where I caught him talking to a female coworker behind my back (about 3 years ago). Although something happened today, I had a weird moment where it was like a pull to look at his phone. I thought oh well I’m sure there’s nothing there and when I open it I find he has been snapping this random girl (people still use Snapchat at this age? lol). There are no saved pictures in the chat, just a lot of snaps and some chats back and forth. I can’t attach the pics but basically it shows that he replays EVERY SINGLE SNAP. And when she doesn’t answer, he double or triple snaps her, saying “sooo” or something. When I saw it, there was an unopened snap from her so I opened it and she was in a bikini with her boobs out lol. The times they snap are mostly when I am working or in bed. Although it’s pretty much all day anyways. I’m on a weeklong work stretch at the hospital so he’s had lots of time to talk to this girl. I’m going to bring it up, but how? I’m not a confrontational person at all. And back when I caught him talking to his coworker, he blamed me for “snooping on him” and “being dramatic”. I know some of you may get on me about looking at his phone. I get it, it was a bad thing to do. The relationship might be over anyways if I can’t trust him. I just thought I could, but my intuition was literally PULLING me. Not an excuse but just saying those who get it get it lol. Even though i might break up with him anyway, (it would suck after this long, but a girl knows what she deserves) how can I approach him about this without sounding confrontational or being scared about it? He is hard to approach and does not like to take accountability. I know I know 😭
Extra info: they’ve only had eachother on snapchat for a few days, and in his recent my eyes only is a dick pic. These past few days he’s been glued to his phone. He was on it earlier and I asked what he was up to, he said playing a game. I went to sit by him on the couch and it looked like he was typing on his phone but he immediately put it screen down when I sat and changed the subject. Sus orrrr what ladies lmao
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Definitely suspicious. I don’t blame you for looking at his phone. Especially if you’ve been cheated on in the past. It gets hard to trust people and you want to make one hundred percent sure before you marry someone. He’s at least attempting to cheat. I would leave before it’s too late.
Maybe reach out to the girl first and find out who she is
ETA he’s definitely at least virtually cheating That should be a dealbreaker for you even if he’s not physically cheating yet. he’s trying to
He did it back then, he’s doing it now and you probably missed a few in between. Is it even worth confronting him over? There’s no explanation that would show him to a person of good character with your time and effort. Like you said last time~ he wasn’t sorry to be disloyal, he was pissed about being caught. Made sure to deflect on you enough to where he could do in front of you & keep getting away with it. This is a move out or move him out (whichever works best) then text him you know about her and now he’s free to do whatever he wants with her. With a jerk like this, he’ll prob make a big deal out of trying to figure out WHICH her you know about so he doesn’t accidentally confess to more than you know for sure. It was kind to take him back before but now he has again proven to be not a keeper.
Yeah this is cheating. If he doesn’t like to take accountability, he’ll probably just flip it on you with “Why did you go through my phone” instead of admitting his actions are a problem. You need to ask yourself what you hope to accomplish by bringing it up to him. If he admits to it, will you forgive him? Can you see yourself moving past this in the relationship? Even if you forgive him now, you should understand that you’ll likely have trust issues with him going forward. I would advise to just end it, it doesn’t seem like he respects and values you
He’s cheating on you. Get tested and dump this guy. Don’t give him all of your 20’s before you find your worth.
Tell him, “I know everything, don’t even try to lie. You can have each other.” and block him and walk away from the relationship.