The three of us met at work and began hanging out as a group with a couple other coworkers. My friend (Amy) and my boyfriend (Liam) were close before he and I started dating. Liam and I quietly started dating without telling our friends, and after a couple of weeks, I told Amy that he and I are seeing each other. Amy did not react like how I expected her to. She asked me questions and seemed surprised, but she was quiet (which is VERY unlike her), and after a few minutes of talking, she excused herself and went to the bathroom.
Judging from her reaction, I knew she was upset. She never told me she was sad, and she never told me that she liked him. I had had a slight suspicion she had a crush on him when we all first started working together but she’s very open about her life (including details about other guys) so I figured she would have told me. She also treated him the same way she treated me, like a good friend. Once Liam and I told our other friends, though, a couple of them asked us how Amy reacted because they also had had a feeling she liked him.
I never addressed Amy’s reaction with her. After that initial conversation, she seemed mostly fine about everything. I didn’t talk about my relationship with her much, but when I did, she would become quiet and change the subject. Other than that, whenever we all hung out as a group, things were completely normal. I was anxious about how the dynamic would shift at first but it’s stayed relatively the same. Now, two years later, it isn’t as awkward when I talk about him with her, but I still don’t do it often out of respect.
Liam and some of our work friends were hanging out the other night. One of them asked Liam if he and I knew how upset Amy was when we started dating and said that she would cry at work over it. This friend even said that the group was taking bets over whether Liam would start dating me or Amy.
Liam told me about this conversation and I have been very upset about it ever since. Again, Liam and I have been dating for over two years, so this is something that happened a while ago. Part of me feels so bad that I unknowingly put her in that position. Another part of me feels uncomfortable being so close with someone who liked my boyfriend so much she cried multiple times over us dating.
I don’t want to address this with her since it was so long ago. However, we hung out as a group after I found out about all this and the entire time I was overanalyzing her interactions with him. So much time has passed that realistically I don’t think she still likes him, but I’m not 100% sure because we never talked about it in the first place.
Would you address it anyway and ask her, which could fracture our relationship? Or would you just ignore it and move on, which seems to be the most logical thing to do but also the most uncomfortable. Would you stay close friends with someone who liked your significant other to that extent, or is this just a blip since it happened so long ago? I’m looking for any perspectives so all advice would be greatly appreciated 🙂
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She grieved a potential relationship and then moved on. She obviously cares deeply about you both.
I wouldn’t bring it up. It happened two years ago, and she’s been respectful since. Yeah, it’s weird to hear she cried, but she never crossed boundaries or tried to sabotage you. If she’s moved on and the friendship still feels solid, I’d let it go. If your gut ever says something’s off now, then trust it, but don’t stir the pot over ancient tea.
Id ignore it, its been 2 years, shes probably over it now, and you’d just be opening up that can of worms for nothing
>This friend even said that the group was taking bets over whether Liam would start dating me or Amy.
See the concern I have about this is it suggests that part of the problem may be Liam here. He was obviously close enough to both of you at the time that people assumed he was hitting on both of you. Given that it may be she was blindsided because she assumed their dynamic was as close as everyone else did, only to discover both he and her close friend were hiding a relationship.
But then she kept it to herself so as to not ruin things. She was likely deeply hurt, fair enough too, but she hid it and kept it to herself so as to not ruin your friendship. I think it is a little sad that your workmates were mocking her like that, or that the three of you have been gossip mill fodder for so long now.
Just feels to me like she has done a lot to try and make this not impact the both of you. If it really is eating you so much have the conversation and make your choices but yeah, I’m more inclined to a sympathetic take here.