Throwaway for obvious reasons
I have been dating my gf for over 1 year now and thing have been pretty amazing, it’s the healthiest relationship i’ve been, crazy in love and I can really see this going for the long run.
My girlfriend has a turtle (yellow belly slider) that she rescued from a family member that had it for some years but neglected it, the turtle is around 3 or 4 years old and she has had it for bit less than a year. I also have a turtle and they are my favorite animals, in fact I kinda made her interested in turtles and pushed for her to keep her turtle for herself and take care of it. I’m really enthusiastic about caring of them so when she left yesterday with her family on a trip and asked me if I could take care of her turtle I was excited.
She came over to my house with the turtle in it’s water tank however it’s always been too shallow, the water barely covers its feet and it has a rock it can climb, in contrast to mine which has a massive water tank filled almost to the top and a dock.
I’ve always told her that she should get it a dock and try putting more water in it so it can swim a bit, but her family always tells her to just put a bit of water so it doesn’t drown. Anyways she gives it to me and I fill the tank with water, I didn’t fill it all the way just enough so that he’s submerged but his head sticks out when he’s up, and also he has his rock.
Might be relevant that I also saw that it’s shell was really deformed, not even at all like mine but very bumpy but I figure that’s from the years it spent not being attended to properly.
I filled it up a bit more than she does normally and don’t think much of it because my turtle has always been fully submerged in water and doesn’t even use its dock most of the time.
After she left and we had hung out all day (around 5 hours after i filled it’s tank with water) i checked in on it and the turtle was doing fine, i fed him and he ate normally. The next day (today) I go to work, return home, and at around 8pm i go out to check in on the turtle and maybe feed it but to my surprise the turtle is fully submerged in the water not moving at all. I just pulled it out while I changed the water but it still wasn’t moving so i touch his arms and legs a little but they are stiff and not responding with reflexes. My turtle sometimes does go in a bit of a slumber but always has mantained it’s reflexes so I instantly worried. I tried putting it in a dry environment and waited for it to respond but nothing and now I guess it drowned somehow, maybe it was already sick and didn’t had the capability to lift his neck to breath that much or something. I was and still am in complete shock.
This happened just some hours ago, we haven’t talked and I have no idea how to tell her. I fear she’s going to hate me because I should be experienced with turtles but I seriously had no idea this could happen, been panicking alot thinking how she’s gonna see me after this even if she forgives me it will never take away the fact that I took her pet from her forever and the very next day that she dropped it off with me.
I have no idea what to do, haven’t been able to sleep I care deeply about turtles so now I feel so ashamed and guilty and horrible. I’ve been dreading telling her once she wakes up because i feel it’s gonna ruin her vacation and even worse, our relationship.
Her family also cared deeply about that little fella, her grandpa would always sit in the yard watching him walk around and he respects me alot but I think that’s over now.
How do I take accountability in a mature way? What happens now?
I feel like complete shit
Comments
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First mistake when taking care of someone else’s pet is thinking you know better. You should never have put more water in the tank against her & her family’s advice. You let your ego get the better of you and now her pet is dead. How can your girlfriend ever trust you with anything again? At any right the damage is done. Now you will have to ruin your girlfriend’s vacation by telling her what happened. The least you can do is buy her a new turtle.
You have to get a grip dude. I feel like you’re spiraling so some real life, down to earth advice would be to calm down.
Once you calm down, your next goal is to tell her you need to talk. Don’t delay any more. The longer you wait, the exponentially worse the impact will be. Don’t text her the news, either. Just say you have something you need to tell her and it’s important. The vacation is gonna be fucked, yep. But yeah, these are sad and unintended consequences.
She’s gonna be very sad. I would just let her say anything she feels, even if it hurts to hear. You know you fucked up big time. But you didn’t want this happen.
Absolutely do not say something like “maybe he was already sick”. Even if it could be true, it will one thousand percent not land how you hope. It’s going to sound like you’re deflecting responsibility and you’re not. You feel terrible. That is the only healthy reaction.
And then yeah, take it from there. Just apologize and show her how sad you are for contributing to this outcome. If you have any sense, do not get defensive. If she needs time and space, give her that and check in once or twice a day.
By the time she comes over to see him for herself, it might dampen the hurt if you get really nice flowers before she arrives and give him like a memorial service. You guys can do it together and share the grief instead turning this into a wedge.
Yeah, you’re screwed. But here’s the deal, own it straight up, no excuses. Say you messed up, you’re sorry, and you’ll give her space to be upset. Turtle care is trickier than it looks, and you’re right that the shell deformity probably didn’t help. Doesn’t fix it, but it’s a fact.
If you want to save your relationship, don’t try to dodge or sugarcoat. Be honest, accept the blame, and maybe offer to help with something she cares about to show you’re serious. But be prepared, some wounds don’t heal fast, especially with pets.
And seriously, next time don’t half-ass the tank or water levels just because you think you know better. That’s on you.