So me and my girlfriend are dating for over 3 months, the thing is, during parties, she gets like really close around other men, be it her close friends or acquaintances, i didnt mind it when were casually seeing each other.
Anyways ive actually written about what happened today,i am an introvert but not too much, she is a very extroverted person like she will keep talking and dancing ALL the time at parties or clubs, which is perfectly fine I have no issue with that.
So today we were talking privately during the party and she said a dude kissed her 2 times in the cheek during the party, and she asked me “What do i do?” Then i asked “Why did he kiss you? Does he like you?” She answered “Cause Im cute”, I was like ok. (Till now i wasnt insecure at all)
I started getting insecure with the way she acted with him after the fact she told me the kissing thing, she kept getting close to him, he kept talking in her ear felt like they were gossiping, and I noticed this for quite sometime. I even asked my friends about it and they were too looking at them and said “yeah this does not feel right”.
So me being introverted tried not to confront them cuz you know everyone knew other at the party and i did not say anything to her.
After quite some time, i did confront this to her, she kept saying “What do u mean?” Hes just my friend”. I told her that friends do not kiss each other! What if a girl kissed me two times on my cheek and i told my girlfriend about it and even after that i kept getting clingy with the girl that kissed me, thats TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!!!!
I wasnt even that mad, i was just upset with the fact how she acted when she knew he kissed her two times and she was still getting kinda clingy with him.
She kept saying “What do u want me to do?” I replied that you should tell him that this is unacceptable and tell him that she has a boyfriend. She kept saying hes just a friend, then she said hes a guest (the party was happening at my girlfriend’s place, it was her roommate bday party), she cant say anything then it will become awkward (WHAT?) she kept saying that i wasnt with her thats why stuff like this is happening (this HAS to be a red flag right), then she told me if she didnt say the kissing thing to me i wouldnt have noticed her being like that with him and wouldnt get upset and I wouldnt confront about it with her(COMPLETE HINDSIGHT BTW).
She told me im being a hypocrite cuz our friends have said worse shit about her jokingly and i just laugh it off like its just banter (To this my reason is I KNOW MY FRIENDS WHO JOKE, if any of my friends KISS my girlfriend, then im ofcourse gonna confront them and go haywire) I DONT KNOW THE DUDE THAT KISSED HER AT THE PARTY THO, does this make me a hypocrite?
In short she has made me insecure now, and I KNOW she loves me, she said this multiple times and i get it cause im an actual introverted dumbass with no prior relationships. I know AT MINIMUM she likes me a lot, but after today what she did made me really insecure, i dont know what to do about this, its the night of the party and shes sleeping beside me and i just wanted to write this so i could get this out of me. We’re gonna talk about it tomorrow.
What do u guys think?
TLDR: I am very insecure rn and i dont know what to do.
Comments
this is very exhausting. dump her bro. She is gonna let other men kiss on her, and get mad at you for bringing it up. she cares more about optics then about your relationship. your too young and you only been together for 3months. Moving forward, YOU need to stand up for yourself. If someone start kissing on my wife at a party, at the absolute bare minimum im telling the dude he needs to take a step back. She isnt the one bro. please save yourself.
EDIT: If you stay with her, and she tries to fight to keep you, she will forever gas light you into making you think you are the problem for having self respect and respect for your relationship. She has shown you she wants to be a socialite and have men’s attention, leave her alone and let her have what she wants. go work on yourself and find a different girl that wouldnt want other men to kiss her. I mean for real, my wife would probably gut a dude if he tried to do that to her even if i did tell the guy to back off.
I think its reasonable if you don’t feel comfortable with your partner being kissed by another man, even if it’s on the cheek.
She can do something if she wanted to. She’s choosing not to. She could shove him away, she could tell him it’s inappropriate, she can avoid the guy entirely.
Sure you are feeling insecure, but she’s not doing much to reassure you.
TBH, I think the clingyness is worse than the kiss. Is the guy European? Or otherwise from a culture where that is normal?
My gf has a very weird standard for what is acceptable in a relationship. Some examples, in a pervious relationship, she went on a 2 week vacation with an ex and without her partner. She shared a bed with an ex while intoxicated. She would hold hands with an ex.
We have worked through that issue between us and I don’t expect it to be a problem. Mostly because the only ex she still talks to lives 6000km away, and is a good dude with a happy family. Also we don’t engage in the type of activities where she would be in that type of situation. No parties, no drinking, etc.
You feel insecure because she is making you feel that way.
Don’t let her gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting because of your limited relationship experience. Her behavior is not respectful to you.
She either craves more attention than one person can give, or she enjoys creating drama. Both are red flags. I would suggest stepping away from the relationship. Perhaps that would give her an opportunity to reflect and mature.
This isn’t just being insecure wtf anyone would be dealing with that
Yea ok, “She loves me cause she told me so” bro dump her, the fact that she does this , it does mean she doesnt love yoh