I have lived in the UK my whole life and have a large extended family here. We are a progressive family as afghans go, I have a mixed friend group and we all have mixed family events and dance together without a fuss. I want to start by saying that I love my family deeply. They mean the world to me, and I would do anything for them but we can be very rocky and my mum is known to fly off the banks when things don’t go her way.
Ok I have met a girl that I have been dating for 5 months now, who I can see a real future with. She is really funny and we click. Her family is really nice and understanding considering all the cultural differences. My parents have been in the dark on this for the whole time and I intend on telling them in a week.
My dilemma is how do I tell them? For those unfamiliar with Afghan or traditional Muslim culture dating someone outside the culture or religion is not just frowned upon, it’s borderline forbidden. It’s a taboo that carries a lot of weight, not just personally, but within the wider community.
Religiously, I’d describe myself as Muslim in name more than practice. I don’t truly believe, but I’m still respectful of the culture and the values my parents hold. I want to keep many of those traditions alive in my own life: the language, the music, the sense of community. But I know this relationship will be a big deal for my parents from an Islamic and cultural standpoint. Growing up it was kind of a running thing they would say when I pushed the boundaries, “one day you’re gonna come home with a white girlfriend” it’s clear that this is a line for them.
I have no idea how they will react and how I should go about telling them. I also don’t know as to how this will maintain.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you manage to keep both your relationship and your family ties intact? Or do you have advice on how to approach this?
I keep coming across stories of Muslim guys dating women with no intention of long-term commitment. That’s not me. From the start, I’ve seen this as something real. If you have any perspective from a more immigrant background please that would be helpful.
TLDR: I plan on tell my parents about a 5 month relationship and worried that by telling them I will be disowned. How do I go about telling them and what I should say?