Hi, I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this but I’m kinda struggling with this situation right now and was hoping to gain some clarity by an outside point of view on what I should do or how I should feel.
So the story goes, when I was 22, I started working at this new software company aimed at supporting university students while they are studying. I was awkward shy and didn’t have too much confidence. I started slowly making friends around the office, allowing me to slowly gain confidence and not be so shy and awkward around people anymore. One of the people I met was, who I’ll call, Sam (24F). Sam and I had weren’t super close to start with, we were friends but more surface level. As the office slowly started losing people due to them graduating university, her and I became closer and started learning that we had a lot more over-lap than we thought.
Fast forward a year and a half later, we’re very good friends. Hanging outside of work all the time and talking from early morning to late at night, it felt like a natural progression for me. We would talk about all kinds of things, relationships, trauma, friendships, interests, etc etc as you do when you’re talking so often. I would open up to her about all kinds of things and she would do the same to me. I should preface this by saying that throughout my life I haven’t felt super connected to anyone around me, I have always felt like I’ve needed to put on an act or I should be some kind of way but when talking to her she made me feel super comfortable.
So over the last 6 months we got super close, we started seeing each other outside work more, solo hangouts, etc. One night, I mentioned to her that I hadn’t kissed anyone before, and she gave me my first kiss. I was super nervous and she comforted me throughout the whole situation, she made me feel super safe and cared for. We talked about our relationship after the kiss, I asked her if she wanted to start dating and she said for the moment, we should take it a little easy but still kiss and do other stuff. She just didn’t want it to be official yet.
So heres where I’m torn up, after 2 months of dating, (this was three days ago) she told me that due to her Christian beliefs, she doesn’t think that we should be together anymore but she would still like to remain friends. She said that she felt as if she had religious guilt but enjoyed everything we did together and doesn’t regret it at all and that she couldn’t imagine her life without me in it. I told her that I needed some space, that she is one of the only people that have ever made me feel comfortable in my life but my feelings for her are too strong to go back to being friends. She then called me, crying and pretty much said she fucked up everything and wanted to make sure I’m still in her life.
I want her to be in my life, but I feel like I can’t be around her at the moment due to how strong my feelings are for her. Like I said, she was the first for a lot of things for me, one of the few people who I felt got me and the relationship came so naturally. So I’m super torn on what to do, on one hand I don’t want her to exit my life because she made me feel so safe, on the other hand, I don’t think I can be around her without being able to hug or kiss or express how much she means to me, let alone be around her while she dates other people.
Sorry if this comes across as a ramble, but I just need some advice on what I should do. I feel this sense of longing for her but I know if I go back to her it won’t be healthy for me . At the same time I feel like something like that is a once in a lifetime opportunity and no I don’t expect her to change her beliefs just to be together with me, I don’t want her to change at all, its what I like about her so much. I just still have hope that we could continue our relationship. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR My friend (of 2 years)/girlfriend (of 2 months) ended things with me over religious reasons (she is Christian) and I’m confused on whether I should persue the relationship still or leave it be.