Just to be completely transparent – i have been a serial long term relationship dater.
I dated a man from 16-19 , he sucked, he cheated on me and hit me, learned my lesson.
I took a few months and dated a man for a year, he was a sweet guy but ultimately our paths weren’t aligned so i broke it off.
I took about 6 months and started seeing a man who i thought i was going to marry. We dated for 4 years, He was wonderful in a lot of ways, but over the years i realized he was quite a narcissist and i was asking for the same things that were never changing. We were about to buy a house together- i had major surgery and learned how unsupported i really was and broke it off. This was in the first week of Dec 2024. I spiralled for 2 months and went on anti depressants for the first time. Once I realized what a blessing in disguise the entire thing was, I had a major pivot and realized how man centred my life was. I was ecstatic to be on my own enjoying my life focusing on my friends and family.
Ive been friends with a man for years, he has always been respectful, kind and he has always been someone I look up to. I have always viewed him as deserving of so much, i’ve never met anyone like him. I would try to hook him up with my friends over the years cuz I knew he would treat someone so well.
He told me he was interested a few months ago and we got closer, fast forward to now, im not seeing anyone else but he is not technically my boyfriend… basically a label without a label. Ive never been treated so well, he goes above and beyond, ive been entirely transparent about where i am and whats going on in my head. He would be an incredible life partner… but a small part of me still craves to be alone and to not have to consider someone else for the first time in my adult life. As a child i also very much cared for my family before myself… so really, first time in my entire life.
Part of me wants to make this work… im scared as hell- but i know it could be so great. We are very compatible but im having a hard time bringing my walls down and he’s been patient in this process.
Another part of me wants nothing to do with a man at all, craves freedom of just focusing on me and me only ( i dont want to mess around this not something im looking for ).
So now i am at a cross roads.
I could leave, and potentially throw away an incredible relationship with an incredible man for this freedom i crave, and potentially regret it anyways
Or i could stay, and potentially regret never having had that freedom at all.
A large 50/50 in my brain…
Thoughts??? I am struggling to navigate
TLDR : have been a serial dater with some not so great men. finally have my freedom, attracted a man who is absolutely incredible, yet still crave to be alone and to be with no man at all. Not sure if i should leave and throw away an incredible relationship (which i may regret) or stay and potentially regret never having had that freedom at all. Thoughts are appreciated !
Comments
Don’t get into yet another relationship, regardless of how great you think it is, if you crave to be alone for awhile.
I think you should share your concerns with the man you are dating. If you don’t tell him it will probably build up and come out some other way… don’t think of it as either a choice between him or your desire to be alone. There is only one way to satisfy both and see what happens.
You’ll regret not taking time for yourself to be alone. If he’s really the person you’re meant to be with, he’ll be there later on when you’re ready.
figure yourself out. if he is still around then he’ll be there. but don’t lead him on.
How would your life be different if you were single? What would be better? You’re talking vaguely about independence, but what does that mean in concrete terms?