I (24F) found out my boyfriend (24M) has had sex with his girl best friend.
Backing up a little, I previously found out that while he was with his last girlfriend, he cheated on her by kissing another good female friend. He and this friend still hang out regularly, even alone just the two of them, and I said that made me super uncomfortable. they haven’t hung out since. He set a boundary with that friend and her reaction was super strong and emotional, which imo is weird.
Within some texts between my boyfriend and this good friend, she mentioned his girl best friend, hinting at the fact that something had happened between them. When I asked, my boyfriend said they “~kind of~ hooked up” and that he’s had feelings for her. The next day, I asked what “kind of hooked up” meant, and his response was sex.
My boyfriend is extremely close with his girl best friend. They talk everyday, they play video games together several times a week, they go on vacations together with the best friend’s fiancé.
I’m not worried about him cheating with this best friend. And I don’t think they still harbor romantic feelings for each other. But it makes me so uncomfortable that they’ve had sex and are soooo close with each other still. And her reaction to my boyfriend wanting to “set boundaries” was to punish him by removing him from her wedding party.
They’ve been bffs for years, so I’d never ask for them to end the friendship. That’s unreasonable.
Does anyone have any advice on how to process this emotionally and move on? Please don’t say to just grow up or toughen up. I’m really hurt but I wanna figure out a way through this. I keep getting graphic intrusive thought of them having sex. I’m embarrassed that his friends now think I’m batshit insane. But genuinely I just have different values of sex and relationships and they seem to have no empathy for me.
Just looking for some kind advice. We’ve only been together for 3 months but I really like him.
TLDR: my boyfriend had sex with his girl best friend before he met me. They’re super close and it makes me uncomfortable. He also has a past with another close friend that involved cheating. How do I process all this and preserve the relationship?
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