I, 23F, moved to a new country a few months back. In my country of origin, I either didn’t get much attention from men or I was oblivious. Here, I guess I’m hot? Anyway, I started a new job about three months ago and pretty quickly started making work friends. We work late shift (restaurant during tourist season) and often don’t get off until 2 or 3 am. Sometimes we’d grab drinks after work. I became close with two guys in particular (19M and 30M) who are good friends. The three of us started hanging out frequently and I started to catch feelings for 19m whilst 30M and I were becoming much closer friends. Here’s where things get tricky. I’ve made out with 19M twice, he told 30M. 30M told me he’s falling in love with me and if I want to be with 19M, that’s okay because he wants us both to be happy but that if that’s the case, he doesn’t really want to see either of us anymore. I cried. I really like and care about him and I don’t have many friends here and the idea of losing one is, especially as good a friend as him, is heartbreaking. I also know it’s putting a strain on their friendship which I don’t want to do. My initial reaction is to just completely disengage from both of them and be lonely for a while until I meet new people but I also really don’t want to do that. Help.
TLDR: 23f in love triangle with 19m and 30m from work
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have a threesome.
That sucks – but you might want to consider the (in my view very likely) possibility that 30m was becoming good friends with you because he saw you romantically all along and see if that changes your feelings about the situation.
No guy, not one on planet earth… just wants to be “good friends” with an attractive woman. Zero, zilch, never ever ever, no. Both of these men want a romantic relationship with you, and there’s no perfect scenario here where everyone walks away happy.
Take time to assess what you truly want, and then just be a mature adult and be honest with both of these guys. Someone is going to be upset, but it will be short-lived if you handle this in an honest & mature way, and no respect will be lost on anyone.
I have been on different sides of love triangles. Heck, there was once a messy love pentagon. My takes are:
– It can get messy and cause drama. I had a guy get so jealous, he begun a smear campaign against me for sleeping with a girl he liked. The friendship group was destroyed. The party missing out can get immature and fuck things up, and it is wise to be wary of that.
– Go out with the dude you like. Your happiness is not contingent on someone elses sadness. It is understandable if he does not wish to be friends anymore, and it might have to be just accepted.
– Cheating is a risk. When I was 17 and stupid af, I essentially stole someone’s girl. Not good.
– The ingredient for this going smoothly without drama is maturity.
– You may have to cut contact with the other guy anyway, because your partner would understandably be insecure knowing he wants more and is hoping for your break up
Is there one person you could forsee a potentially future with and not just a fling?
Noticed taht you don’t prefer any of them so you love them as friends not a true love
This is what happens when you don’t get much attention when young.
Ew
It’s simple never shit where you eat, in other words don’t have any relationships at work. You are already seeing what’s happening next you’ll feel awkward and trying to avoid him at work, most people end up leaving their jobs because of it.
Sorry you’re getting such shitty responses on here. The only real advice I can give is to give yourself some space to listen to how you’re feeling. I wouldn’t recommend disengaging, allow yourself distance and time but there’s no need to be avoidant with feelings. Journaling about this could help too, but really just being honest with yourself about your feelings and then being honest about with your friends about those feelings. I can tell you that choosing one person because you don’t want to hurt them won’t work out well in the end. Again maybe do some journaling about what you feel you need, who you’re feeling more pulled towards, and ultimately what you may want.
You’re all messy I’m glad I’ve never worked this industry
I think getting involved with either is flirting with disaster. I tend to look down at workplace romances. Fraught with so many chances for things to go awry and you’re stuck seeing them all of the time, or finding another job. Save the friendship and stay lonely until something without drama shows up.
So, you’re going to wreck a pre-existing friendship and fuck up your workplace dynamic to get busy with a teenager.
Barf.
My advice is they should both run far and fast away from you.