My fiance (25M) and I (24f) have a 14 month old and a newborn on the way. We have been together on and off for 10 years. Im really starting to notice that I think I don’t like who my fiance is?? He always wants to run to the basement any chance he gets to play video games and smoke weed. He will stay up until 2-3 am doing this then jack off and come to bed. It’s just starting to get icky. He hasn’t had a job for 8 weeks and before that he got fired from 4 jobs within 4 months. I don’t even like the music he listens to.. all he listens to is suicide boys which is what we listened to as teenagers. He also has anger issues and calls me names like b**** and c***. I feel like he isn’t growing up or maturing and he’s just a jerk. I don’t really know why I’m posting. Just ranting and need encouragement/ to hear similar situations
He is a good dad though. He helps with the baby just as much as I do. He’s been picking up my slack of cooking and cleaning while being pregnant. I definitely wouldn’t fear leaving my children with him if we did split.
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Have you talked to him about the issues? If nothing changed leaving him is the right call. You don’,t want that example for your kids
Your fiancé is a loser. Why would you want to saddle yourself to an ill tempered loser?
Two things can be true:
You don’t deserve to be treated this way. Trust your instincts.
Why bring another child into this situation?
leavee
Hes actually NOT a good dad because he’s treating the mother of his children with such contempt. Does he call you names in front of your child? This will damage how your child sees relationships. I can guarantee he isnt sober when he looks after your toddler if hes smoking so much weed wnd not caring, and you should be horrified to leave your child with him. You havent exactly been together ten years, because you were literal children. Please outgrow this loser.
Definitely recommend leaving him. He doesn’t make quality partner material.
Maybe leave and take a break. If he can get his act together and grow up and show he’s trying you could revisit getting back together. What kind of example are you setting for kids? What kind of life will they have in your current situation. This is what you need to ask yourself.
You are clearly more mature than him and it doesn’t seem like he cares for fixing his behavior anytime soon. He should be sober and present with his children as well. You’ve outgrown him and that’s okay. Take time to yourself and find someone who is willing to grow and be better for you and the kids.
Based on what you said, honestly, I would feel the same. He doesn’t sound like a good “candidate for a husband”, for lack of a better phrase, and even aside from that, the name-calling on its own is completely unacceptable. Whether the other stuff bothers you is completely a matter of personal preference, but that’s never okay. I would also worry about how that might evolve if he doesn’t do something about his anger issues, as well as the fact that your children won’t be tiny forever and soon enough they’ll be able to understand what’s going on, and that will harm them too. And at that point you will probably be married and it’ll be harder to walk away. Also, the other things you listed are things he could work on, but I think calling you those names indicates a lack of respect for you and concern for your feelings, and those things are fundamental to a healthy relationship. And if they’re not there, it’s very hard if not impossible to fix that.
It’s wonderful that he’s a good dad, but you need more than that for a relationship to work. His parenting skills matter in the context of his relationship with his kids – they’re not enough to make a romantic relationship with his partner work, and I think it’s very telling that that’s the only positive trait of his that you identified in your post.
You said you’ve been together on and off for ten years – I would imagine that you both, or at least you were very different at 14/15. It sounds like, as you’ve grown and matured, you’ve gone in different directions. Maybe you’re less compatible now than when you were younger, and that’s perfectly normal.
It sounds to me like you already know what’s best for you here 🙂
Wow. That hurt to read. You have chosen him as the father of your two children. That is sad. I’m glad he is safe with your kids, but I think it takes a lot to be a good dad.
A good dad wants to meet his children’s needs.
Things he can do to be a good dad
love his kids mother. That means making time for you. Relationships take work. Video games are a fun distraction from life, but not a substitute for life.
He needs to be a provider. Kids need parents to love them, protect them and provide for them. If he can’t maintain a job, he can’t set an example of work ethic and responsibility for your kids.
Get to work on your relationship or it will just dwindle and die. He could be a good dad, but right now he is just not being a bad dad.
2 kids already. With someone who calls you the c work? Time for some self respect.
Has he always been this way ? You say you have been together for almost 10 years. If that’s the case, then I would leave.
Yes you should leave him.
He isn’t a great dad if he’s calling the mother of his children those words.
Your children should not grow up hearing it and thinking it is normal for men to behave like that.
A good dad doesn’t call his children’s mom, b* or c. Sounds like he’s getting credit for doing the bare minimum.
Just go sis lmao trust me I’ve seen tables turn every time just go you know you want to he’ll be fine
He’s verbally abusive, has anger issues, can’t keep a job, and spends all night on weed and gaming …. girl. This is not a man who’s mature enough for marriage or children. Since the kids are already here, at least pull the plug on the relationship. This is not the example to set for your kids.
You’re relationship is toxic AF and has been since you were 14/15. Off and on relationships are always toxic AF. He’s an AH and isn’t a good man or Father. Dump his ass. My Dad always said you never let anyone disrespect the Mother of your children. Well guess what that includes the Father.
> calls me names like b**** and c***
That alone is reason enough to dump him. He will be a good dad on the weekends when he has visitation and he’ll need to get a job to pay child support. That will be good for him.